I finished Yoga Teacher Training a month ago. After 6 months of hard work, busy weekends, and endless studying, I received a certificate that says I am qualified to teach yoga.
I'm not teaching yoga. At least not yet. But that doesn't mean I don't want to.
I struggled mentally with yoga teacher training. I'm not at a size or fitness level I want to be at. I struggled with comparing myself to the other yogis and yoginis in my class. I love all of them dearly, but being in a class full of personal trainers and what I call "super yogis" was intimidating. Every weekend I questioned what I was doing there - why did I think I could be a yoga teacher when I weighed more that I wanted and a headstand was not part of my regular practice?
Part of yoga is removing yourself from the comparison trap. It's about being at peace with where you are at this very moment. This is easier said than done. But as teacher training progressed, I thought back on why I originally wanted to sign up and try to be a yoga teacher. It always came back to how wonderful yoga makes me feel - mentally and physically - and the desire to share that with people. As I came closer to graduating from YTT, I thought about the kind of teacher I wanted to be and what I wanted to leave my students with.
I want to teach, but there is something holding me back - my size/weight/lack of a "yoga teacher" body. I'm scared I'll go into a gym or studio, they'll take one look at me, and reject me. I'm scared this will happen before they even get a chance to talk to me, to hear what I can offer yoga students, or to hear my philosophy on teaching yoga.
I don't necessarily want to wait until I have the perfect "yoga teacher" body to put myself out there, because odds are I'll never have that body. I'm not sure what to do - do I face the real possibility of rejection due to my size, or do I put myself out there and give myself the possibility that I may be able to teach yoga?