Breaking Down and Building Up

Yesterday was a bad day. A bad, bad, BAD day. After having awful dreams the night before, I woke up in an extremely bad mood.

I had plans to go tubing down the Shenandoah River with friends, and I was hoping the time spent outside, on the river, and hanging with positive people would be the push I needed to get out of the mood I was in. No such luck. I tried my best to have a good time, engage in conversation, and smile, but I was just miserable. One of those moods where nothing was pulling me out of it.

So, I came home and cried. Everything that has been building for the last month or so just came out. I had a good conversation with a family member and my running partner, since a lot of my stress lately is marathon related. Though, running was only one of many reasons for my sob fest. I was so close to just quitting it all last night, tired of being frustrated all of the time and feeling defeated after each run. But, after some sleep and trail therapy this morning, I decided I do NOT want to quit. I am so close and have come so far (even if I don't always believe it) that I would be absolutely disappointed with myself if I gave up now. Sometimes a break down is needed in order to build yourself back up.

I have a renewed sense of motivation that I hope powers me through the rest of marathon training and beyond. I'm working on changing my attitude - I tend towards the negative. When things get hard, I need to stop the negative self talk, stop telling myself I am weak. I need to think about how empowered I'll feel after completing a long distance run. I need to picture myself crossing the finish line of the marathon, and how proud of myself I'll be.

So, in the spirit of renewed motivation, my running partner and I have registered for the Virginia Beach Rock n' Roll Half Marathon. This race is in 2 short weeks. We've tossed around the idea of running this race for a while now, thinking that it will be a good gauge to see how prepared we are. But, I'm not going to lie, I want this to be my fastest half marathon. I have high expectations and hopefully all the stars align for a good race.