The First Pancake

yoga

2012-01-14T18:07:00.000-08:00

All week I've been trying to put into words the experiences I've been having in yoga, but what's coming out isn't an accurate picture. I can't adequately transfer my experiences on the mat to these words.

Last weekend I had an amazing class - I ended up being the only student, and while intimidating at first, it ended up being exactly what I needed. I never know how I appear to others when I'm in yoga class, but I realized on Sunday that it didn't matter. I felt strong that day, solid and grounded. I left the studio with a high bigger than any runner's high I've ever felt.

Wednesday night's flow class was exactly what I needed in the middle of a busy work week. Again, the intimidation factor was there because everyone else in the class was pencil thin. But, once I got on the mat, that all floated away. It didn't matter - it doesn't matter.

And then yoga class this morning almost made me cry.

The teacher had a small lecture at the beginning of the class about how poorly we talk to and treat ourselves, and how affirmations can be so powerful in turning that around. I saw myself in all that she said - constantly berating myself for not being good enough, strong enough, thin enough. She handed each of us a note card with the word Believe written on it. Believe in myself, believe that I am enough, just believe. I definitely need to attend this class every week.

It looks like I found my new yoga studio, and I will definitely be making these three classes a regular part of my week.

Day 1

2012-01-07T17:31:00.000-08:00

Yay for Saturdays! I've been in NC for almost 2 months and this is only the second weekend I've spent here. I guess that's part of the problem with making a move in the middle of the holidays when your family and friends live elsewhere - lots of traveling.

Today was a pretty good day - I have a habit of over scheduling myself, and that's what I tried to do this weekend. I signed up for a meditation workshop at the yoga studio I've been taking classes at and I've been looking forward to it. I ultimately think that being able to meditate, clear my mind, and let go will be a big aid in my being successful in my weight loss journey.

I also made a trip to the NC State Farmer's Market. I know it's not the best season for farm fresh vegetables, especially one's I like (I'm just not a fan of collard greens and mustard greens or any southern greens really), but I was able to get some sweet potatoes, an onion, farm fresh eggs, and all natural, grass fed ground beef.

The one thing I didn't do that was on the list was go to the gym and take a body pump class. I had the best of intentions and really wanted to take the class, but the more I thought about how tight my schedule would be this morning/afternoon, the more stressed out I felt myself becoming. And that's not good. So, I made the decision to skip the class today, and spent the time this morning making a healthy breakfast (oatmeal with chocolate peanut butter), catching up on some reading, and planning out my meals for the week.

Speaking of meal plans, I made dinner tonight - an honest to goodness meal that required me to shop for ingredients, turn the oven on and get my hands dirty preparing it. I'm almost embarrassed to say that I've not made what I would consider a real dinner in my new apartment. There's been a lot of eating out and convenience meals. Not too good for the waistline.

I made burgers with the ground beef I bought at the farmers market - I added read crumbs, Italian seasoning, some ketchup and Worcestershire sauce to the meat. 15 minutes later, I had dinner. Alongside it I had sweet potato fries and peas. Real dinner eaten on a real plate at my table. Step one towards getting my routine back and my weight loss back on track. And there are leftovers to eat throughout the week.

Tomorrow should be another good day - the weather is beautiful and I'm hoping to spend some time outside.

The New Year

2012-01-02T14:50:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year! I just returned from spending a relaxing weekend in the North Carolina mountains with 2 of the best people I know.

I've spent the past few weeks thinking. I spend 2 hours in the car everyday commuting - that's a lot of time to contemplate things. I think a lot about where I've been, where I am, and what I want to accomplish. Mostly about what I want to accomplish and how to go about doing that.

2011 was a pretty good year - I solidified some great friendships, ran 2 half marathons, completed my first marathon, relocated to a new state, ran the Ragnar Relay, went camping for the first time, and had an overall solid year. The one not so good thing - I gained weight this year. It's something I don't want to acknowledge, but it's also something I can't ignore. It stares at me every day and makes itself known when I get dressed in the morning.

I'm determined to make 2012 a successful year. My word of the year is Accomplishment, and there are a lot of things I want to accomplish. The difference this year is instead of saying I want to or I wish, I am saying I will. I will finally reach my goal weight, I will succeed in running a second marathon, I will finally start feeling settled and live the life I want to live.

Of course I have a lot of thoughts formulating, but for now, here's to a happy and successful 2012!

Om

2011-12-06T18:01:00.001-08:00

I know I should be running. I know I should be strength training. Instead, all I'm doing for the next month is yoga. And it's going to be great!

Starting Over

2011-11-28T15:38:00.000-08:00

My life has changed drastically in the last month and this title is appropriate on so many levels. Since the marathon, I have moved from Northern Virginia to North Carolina. To say that this move has been an adjustment would be an understatement.

Two years ago I picked up my life and moved from Florida to Virginia. This time the move is different - although I relocated this time for a job I've wanted for a long time, I was truly happy in Virginia. I had a routine, great friends, running, a yoga studio I felt a part of, and a part time fun job at a performing arts center. I was finally starting to feel settled - a feeling I've been looking for for a long time.

So, here I am, almost 32 years old, and I'm starting over. And that leads to a lot of conflicted feelings. On the one hand, no one here knows me and I can reinvent myself. I can become anyone I want and no one would know the difference. On the other hand, I'm alone and no one knows me here. Gah, sounds so depressing when I put it like that.

Starting over also means starting the journey to my goal weight over. There have been a lot of indulgences over the past month - and I've still got the month of December to get through. Not to mention everything here is new - I want to experience it all, but have to remind myself that it doesn't have to be done all as once. It keeps coming back to calorie counting versus Weight Watchers - following either would be a good choice, as I know they both work. I do like the accountability of WW meetings, but the idea of going and having to add something more to my schedule causes some anxiety. That's not good.

I know I need to do something - I'm becoming uncomfortable in my skin and not really liking the directions things are going. I need to reestablish a routine here that includes gym time, yoga classes, running, and meal planning. I also want to get back in the habit of journaling my food - that works no matter which program you're following.

Marine Corps Marathon Recap

2011-11-01T17:28:00.001-07:00

Alternative Titles: DNF?
How a Bathroom Stop almost stopped my marathon
Make the pace car your bitch (thanks Alexa!)

I'm not sure where to begin with this race recap. The day started of with an early alarm - 5 a.m. It had snowed/sleeted/rained the day before and the race weather was predicted to be sunny but cold. I was scared of cold. My training had occurred throughout the summer and I knew how to handle hot and humid; cold, not so much. But, at least it wasn't snowing, right?

We took the metro to the Pentagon, where the start line was; I'm not going to complain about the crowds or lack of turnstiles, but let's just say there were a lot of people trying to get out of that metro station. I got up close and personal with a lot of my fellow runners.

The race start was anticlimactic - the gun went off and we inched our way to the start line. I was nervous, there's no doubt about it. Throughout the entire training process, I've doubted my ability to finish this race. Was this a self-fulfilling prophecy? Maybe.

I lost my training partner after mile 2 and knew at this point I was alone and would be running this marathon solo. Scariest realization ever. But, I'm slow, and that's something that wasn't going to change for this race, and I knew it would be unfair to expect Cheryl to stay at my pace for the entire race. Ultimately, running is a solo endeavor; she had to run her race and I had to run mine.

I was cruising along for a few miles when I got that I feeling - runners, you know that feeling. I knew I would be stopping at the next port-a-potty I came across. That happened to be around mile 7.5. There were lines for each of them. And no toilet paper. Let's just say it's a good thing I was wearing layers. Goodbye black long sleeved shirt, you served me well.

I knew I was in there a while, but didn't realize how long until I got out and saw that no one was there waiting in line. Oh, and there was the pace car and buses to pick up stragglers. Now, this could mean one of two things - I was in the bathroom a long time (I didn't keep track) or I was running really slow and the pace car was closer than I thought the whole time. I wasn't keeping track of pace or time, but just focusing on my intervals. Mistakes? Probably, but there's nothing I can do to change it.

I freaked. FREAKED! And I ran. I ran through Georgetown with the only goal of staying in front of that damn car. I ran by the Kennedy Center, probably one of my most favorite places in DC, but didn't get to enjoy that because I was so focused on moving forward.

But, it seemed that I wasn't making any headway, I wasn't gaining any ground. And this is when I started to give up. I posted on Facebook that I wasn't going to beat the bridge. I also tweeted DNF? And that's when support came out of the woodwork. Alexa and Ann sent me encouraging tweets, urging me to keep going and not to stop. Friends on FB let me know that even if I didn't finish, I had still accomplished something remarkable.

Around this time, I started chatting up a fellow runner who came out from Washington state to run the race. She was in the same boat as I was - dejected, tired, and ready to give up. We ran with each other for about 5 miles, but I don't really remember what we talked about. I know I told her I was never doing this again, but honestly I was trying to hold in tears. I couldn't believe that after all of the work I put in, I wasn't going to finish. I needed to make it to 20 miles by a certain time, and it was looking like I wouldn't make it. But more than that, I was afraid of disappointing everyone who knew I was running the race. I was worried about what everyone would think if I didn't finish. And as much as I kept saying I would be okay if that happened, it wasn't really true.

Around mile 15, my friend from Washington decided she was done and voluntarily got on the bus. And she asked me if I was coming. This was the moment - I could either give up, or keep trying to fight. So, I said no I wanted to keep going. At this point I decided that I was not getting on that bus until someone made me get on it. I don't know why or how, but at this point I knew I didn't want to just give up.

So I kept going, but there were still moments of self doubt and negative thoughts. I had thoughts of why am I doing this, why am I putting this effort in when I'm not going to finish anyway? But, then someone told me I had 4 miles left to the cutoff point, and a little under an hour to get there. I knew I could cover that distance in that amount of time.

Somehow I made it to the bridge and kept going. That's when I knew I would become a marathoner. Honestly, the rest of the race is unremarkable, except for mile 23 where a friend was waiting for me. I stopped, gave her a sweaty hug, and she snapped a picture of me.

I started getting teary when I saw the 26 mile sign, but I didn't want to be crying in my finish line pictures, so I held off on the waterworks. Silly, I know. But when I crossed the finish line and the announcer said my name, that's when I let the tears fall.

I finished in 6:22:48 - yes it's slow, but I finished and that cannot be taken away from me. So, while this experience wasn't all rainbows and roses, it showed me two things - I am mentally stronger than I give myself credit for, and I do have it within me to undertake something of this magnitude alone. While it's nice to have someone next to me, pushing me, I don't necessarily need it.

And, even though I've said a thousand times that I am never doing this again, there's already talk about marathon #2. Never say never.

Done

2011-10-30T16:49:00.001-07:00

It was not easy. It was not pretty. There were lots of tears. But I finished, and that's the only thing that matters.

I have a lot of thoughts about the race, the training process, and running in general, but I think I need to sit and process them. I should hopefully share my experience soon.

Thanks to everyone for their support - here, on facebook, and on twitter.

2 days

2011-10-28T16:04:00.000-07:00

2 days until the marathon.

I'm really starting to get nervous.

There might be snow on the ground. In DC. In October.

All I want to do is finish.

The Countdown Begins

2011-10-17T18:09:00.001-07:00

I am less than two weeks away from running the Marine Corps Marathon. I am counting down the days - this may not sound encouraging, but I just can't wait until the race is over! The past 2 months of training has been less than ideal and I have wanted to give up on many occasions. I even had my first marathon nightmare the other night where I didn't finish the race. I suppose that's my biggest fear about this race - that I'm not going to finish and all of this work will have been for nothing.

My 20 mile long run 2 weeks ago was less than encouraging. The weather was cold and rainy, my training partner was sick, and the idea of 20 miles scared the crap out of me. I described it as miserable to those I spoke to about it. Every muscle in my legs and feet hurt and it was (still is) hard for me to see how I'm going to go the full distance. After the 20 miles, I'm not sure I could have gone another 6.2.

Yesterday we ran what's hopefully our last significant long run - 16 miles. My training partner had originally wanted to try the 2o again - she wanted to have a good experience under our belts rather than the misery we felt when we did it last. And, even though I KNOW that's too long of a distance this close to the race, I was all in. I was prepared to go the 20 miles - run, walk, or crawl.

Well, 20 miles didn't happen and I'm more than okay with that. The 16 miles that I did run more than made up for it. Overall the run was good (as good as it could be), but it also made me realize something that almost scares me as much as not finishing the race - I will probably end up running a majority of this race solo. Alone. With just me and my thoughts. My training partner is naturally faster than I am and I will not be able to keep up with her for the entire distance. That was made clear yesterday. Guess it's time to start creating the marathon playlist, because I'm going to need it!

There are days when I want to give up and days when I just want to get it over with. I'm tired of thinking about the marathon, talking about it, and training for it. I can't wait until I have more free time again, can sleep in again. I'm already thinking of my post marathon fitness plans, and they will include lots of yoga and more strength training - both things I haven't been able to fit in regularly over the past 8 months.

However, in 13 days, I plan to call myself a marathoner.

Ragnar Relay Recap Part 3

2011-09-27T06:00:00.000-07:00

We made it to the last major exchange and decided we really needed to try and get some sleep. We had been awake for over 24 hours, were tired, a little irritable, and I was doing my best not to be cranky with anyone. I was starving at this point, but sleep was way more important. We got the tarp and sleeping bags out, and I was surprised how fast I fell asleep. I ended up sleeping for about 90 minutes, when the noise and commotion of cheering teams started to get a little louder. I reluctantly got up, but I told my friend Cheryl I wasn't ready to be awake yet.

Breakfast was an everything bagel with cream cheese. At this point, I missed coffee, and diet soda wasn't cutting it anymore. I tried to have another with my bagel, but ended up pouring half of it out.

My final run was around 2:30 p.m. It was my shortest distance at 2.7 miles, and by this point I just wanted to be done.

Starting my final leg.

Once again, I started out too fast, but only because I wanted to be finished running. I kept telling myself to slow down, but it wasn't working. I was tired, my legs were sore, and blisters were starting to make themselves known, so my run intervals kept getting smaller. I started out doing 5/1, but ended up with a 3 minute walk/1 minute run. This run was where the negative self talk really crept up on me. I was even thinking of ways to get out of the marathon next month.

The route I followed was pretty nice. I mainly ran along the Mt. Vernon Trail, which parallels the GW Parkway and Reagan National Airport. I ended at a middle school in Arlington, VA, sprinting to the exchange. The best thing I heard that day was a volunteer telling me I had a few blocks left.

After me, there were 2 runners remaining. We met our final runner around 100 yards before the finish, and the whole team ran across the finish line together, arms raised, triumphant in what we just accomplished.

Team Can't Stop Clowns Will Eat Me

Oh, the finish. As a team, we ran 198 miles in 33 hours and 20 minutes. We weren't the fastest, we didn't have the best decorated vans or the most clever name, but we made it. We were a rag tag bunch of runners, most not knowing each other until meeting as a team, and we accomplished something amazing. It was a wonderful experience and one I likely won't forget.

There has been talk of doing this again next year. I'm not sure if I'm ready to sign right up - I told my teammates I wouldn't commit to anything in a sleep deprived state of mind. I think I would love to have this experience again, just not sure I want to repeat the DC race. It would be nice to travel somewhere else to do this race, but that could get expensive. So, I'll just leave it as being undecided as to my Ragnar future. But, if anyone out there is wondering if they should do this race, I would enthusiastically tell them yes!

Ragnar Relay Recap Part 2

2011-09-26T06:00:00.000-07:00

Leg 1 ended at a high school in Clear Spring, MD with the hand off of the slap bracelet to our first van. We had about 5 hours until we needed to meet them at the next major exchange, and were hungry, tired, sweaty and smelly. We knew there would be showers, food, and somewhere to sleep at the high school.

First up - dinner. The best $6 I've spent in a long time!

I don't like spaghetti, but I wolfed down my entire dinner - spaghetti with sauce, green beans, bread and butter, applesauce (unpictured), and chocolate cake. I would say my van was very prepared and brought a lot of food, but eating was very sporadic throughout the race. We ate breakfast at the hotel the morning the race started, but throughout the day, I didn't have anything really substantial - a granola bar here, hand fulls of trail mix there. I did eat a peanut butter and jelly sandwich at some point, but overall, not the best nutrition.

I was going to take a shower, but I ended up skipping it when I saw the set up. It was a typical high school shower - open, no stalls. I must be really old, because I had forgotten what the typical high school shower looked like. I had been picturing a gym shower with stalls. Nope, and I didn't really feel comfortable getting naked in front of all of the women there. I had a little bit of a self conscious moment. I did, however, use baby wipes to get as clean as I could. Not the greatest, but actually, only two other people in the van ended up showering. So, the stinky people outnumbered!

By 8 p.m., we knew we needed to try and get some sleep, as we were scheduled to run from midnight to 6 a.m. It had stopped raining, so we spread some tarps on the ground, got out the sleeping bags, and tried to get some sleep. And I tried really hard, but I couldn't fall asleep. There was a lot going on, from teams cheering on the runners that were coming in, vans coming and going, car doors opening and closing, and just hundreds of people walking around and talking.

Before I knew it, the van was packed up again and we were headed to the next exchange to meet out team and start then second leg of the race. We met them at a creamery, and trust me when I say the smell was unreal.

It was good to catch up with Van 1 and to hear how their race was going. It sounded like everyone was having a great time!

My second run happened around 3:30 a.m., and I got decked out in some pretty attractive night running gear - reflective vest, head lamp, and a blinking red light attached to the back of the head lamp.

I was also sporting some very cool glow sticks - one wrapped around my ponytail, one on my wrist, and one on each shoe. I did get some compliments from passing vans regarding the glow sticks.

It was very humid out and visibility was poor due to heavy fog. I was very scared I was going to get lost in the middle of the cornfields. I started out running way to fast - still doing 5/1 intervals, but running at about a 9:30 minute/mile pace. Way too fast! I started losing steam around the second mile and with two more to go, I slowed my pace and did the best to power through. I was so relieved when I finally got to the exchange and was done. Running in the dark is one thing; running in the dark in the middle of the night while a little sleep deprived is another. There's no easy way to train for that. And, honestly, I don't remember the exchange that well, just that there were John Deere tractors. I was a little loopy.

We sent our next runner on his way, and oh my goodness, I am so glad I didn't have his leg. I don't know how he did it! Most of his run, which I believe was over 7 miles, was uphill on a very narrow dirt road. The terrain was dirt and rocks, and most of the time, the road was so narrow that the vans were shadowing the runners rather than passing them. It was also during this leg that we ended up helping a van that had a flat tire.

Our last runner finished around 6 a.m. and we were done until 11. We handed off to Van 1 and headed to the next major exchange in Chevy Chase, MD.

Ragnar Relay Recap Part 1

2011-09-25T06:15:00.000-07:00

Oh, Ragnar, where do I start? How do you recap 33 plus hours of running, laughing, driving, and not sleeping?

See the ? after sleep - that's very telling and something I didn't notice until after the race was done. Run - yeah, I did that. Sleep, not so much.

In case you don't know, the Ragnar Relay is a roughly 200 mile relay race run with you and 11 of your closest friends (or, only 6 if you're on an ultra team). The team is divided into 2 vans and each person runs three legs of the race, with each run varying in distance, elevation, and difficulty.

Our team was called Can't Stop, Clowns Will Eat Me, and we had a pretty good group of people. About half were what I call hard core runners, and the other half were like me - people who run. Well, I guess we are all people who run.

Ragnar DC started in the western Maryland mountain town of Cumberland, and ended just outside of Washington, DC, with a party at National Harbor. Was it a coincidence that Octoberfest was also happening at the same time? Maybe, maybe not.

I was in Van 2, so our start time was later in the morning. Secretly, I was glad I didn't have to get up at 3 a.m. for a 6 a.m. start time. I got to get up, shower, take my time getting ready, eat breakfast, and just relax for a little while before the craziness started.

Bad decisions make good stories - a good motto to live by. :)

Our leg of the race started with a safety meeting - run against traffic unless otherwise indicated, nighttime hours required a reflective vest, blinking light, and a headlamp while running, numbers to call, and what to do if you get lost. I thought the weather was pretty good, if a bit rainy. The temperatures were comfortable, low 70s, and I would rather run in the rain instead of oppressive heat any day. The humidity was a little high, but I've been training all summer in the humidity, so it wasn't really an issue for me.

My first leg started around 3:30 Friday afternoon, and the skies opened up just as I was about to start. All day, the rain had been light, but right before my hand-off, it started pouring.

Starting my first run, Leg 10.

Exchanges between runners happen in chutes, with one runner passing the baton to the next. But instead of a baton, it's a slap bracelet. Yes, the same kind of slap bracelet that I had in the '90s. It was that cool!

My first run was 5.7 miles, partly through the small town of Hancock, MD, then along the Western Maryland Railroad Trail. After seeing the roads and hills my teammates had to conquer prior to me, my run seemed like a cake walk. It was mostly flat, with a small hill near the end, but for the most part, it was on a trail exactly like the one I train on. I will say, for me, I rocked this run! I kept to the Galloway Method, running 5 minutes, walking a minute, and didn't let the fact that I was walking make me feel like less of a runner (I even passed 3 people).

My final time for 5.7 miles was 68 minutes - a time that was in line with my training and one that I am proud of. I will say that I was concerned with being the weakest runner on my team. My team was the best, though, and no one ever made me feel less than great about my running ability.

My friend Cheryl had a cold Diet Dr. Pepper waiting for me at the end (no apologies for the diet soda), and I got out of my wet socks and shoes. I was so happy to have that first leg behind me. I had been starting to feel nervous and anxious prior to my run, and Cheryl did a really good job of getting me to chill out. Having that first run, the longest run I would do, over was a big relief and accomplishment. And I wouldn't have to run again for almost 12 hours.

Rock n Roll Virginia Beach

2011-09-05T16:34:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I ran my 4th half marathon, the Rock n' Roll Virginia Beach Half Marathon.

Even though I'm not fast and I still struggle a lot, it's crazy that I'm that person that runs halfs. Crazy!

The plan for this race was to use it as a training run and to gauge our progress as we continue to train for the marathon. No pressure, just another run. And, for the most part, I would say it was a success. I've definitely gotten stronger and my endurance has gotten better, but there are still areas I need to work on in the next two months.

My training partner Cheryl and I after the race.

This was a pretty good race with a nice, flat course. There were only two inclines, a bridge around miles 4 and 12. I loved ending the race running on the boardwalk right next to the beach. The only part about the race I hated was when we ran through a military base. This part of the course was boring and had no shade. It was 2 miles of hot! The best part of the race, besides running beach side, were the wet, ice cold towels handed out at the finish line. Oh my gosh, best end of race hand out ever. Also, the popsicles they gave out were pretty good. :)

For the most part, I was in a good place while running. I hit one mental block around mile 11, and walked a longer interval than I should have. The self doubt started to creep in and I told myself I was never doing this again, but I reached down to find the energy to finish strong. It also helped that I had friends waiting for me at the end (and knowing that I wasn't the last of my group to finish).

My finish time was 2:53:57, almost a full 5 minutes faster than the half I ran in May. Near the end, I was looking at my garmin, using the possibility of a PR to power me through. Although I originally thought I had PR'd, my garmin was about 30 seconds off of the official time. I had forgotten that I stopped the timer when we paused briefly to retie shoelaces.

I can tell I'm getting stronger - I was achy yesterday after the race, but my legs feel good today. Though, there's a spot in my back and my shoulders are sore. I need to work on relaxing my shoulders and jaw when I run, and stop clenching my fingers into a fist. I hydrated well for this race, and considering the heat, I didn't go overboard with the water and Cytomax. And for every cup of water I drank at the water stop, I poured one over my head. It was a nice shock every couple of miles. Pre run and race fueling still remains an issue, so I will be experimenting with it before the marathon.

So what's next? I have the Ragnar Relay in two weeks, and the Marine Corps Marathon at the end of October. I am not making any more race plans until then, but I will say that running another half marathon is not out of the picture.

Running too Fast

2011-09-02T04:46:00.000-07:00

Last night, I was invited out to run with a local running group. They hold weekly runs, weekend long runs, have training programs, and put on a local race or two. I've never gone on the runs before because I was always afraid I was too slow and would be judged on the fact I run using the Galloway Method. But when a new friend asked me to join her last night, and then reassured me that none of my fears would be an issue and that she was also a slower runner, I decided to give it a try.

I am so glad I went. It was the best run I've had in a number of months, and we covered around 4.35 miles. Lately, I've been feeling defeated and hating each run, but last night wasn't the case. We ran at a pace that was comfortable and I was able to talk and contribute to the conversation. I'm never able to talk during my training runs - the best I can do is utter a few one word responses. I know all of the pros and running guides say you should run at a speed where you can talk but I've always dismissed that. I always thought I would be practically walking before I could talk. But last night proved me wrong. I was running and talking at the same time.

Now I wonder where this leaves me. My marathon training partner is much faster than I am, and we've been doing our runs at a faster pace than it appears I'm ready for. I struggle with each run, hating it before it has even started. I don't want to hate the next two months of training, but I don't want to hold my running partner back if she can obviously go faster. I know I need to take the long runs a lot slower if I'm going to make it through them. I plan on testing this out when I run the Virginia Beach Rock n' Roll Half Marathon this weekend. I'll take it slow and see how it goes.

Searching

2011-08-28T14:38:00.000-07:00

This week has been one for the books! Last weekend was the breakdown, then Tuesday we had an earthquake, followed up yesterday by the passing of Hurricane Irene. If it snows tomorrow, that's it, I'm done! :)

Lots of thinking has happened this week, which can be either good or bad. I guess it depends on if the thoughts are productive, if they're positive or negative, or if they just circle around in your head and have no outlet. I journal pretty frequently, in addition to using this blog as an outlet, so there's a place for my thoughts to go, but I'm not sure if they've been positive or productive.

I don't know if it's just me, but when I find myself struggling, I look for a new plan, a new way out. Even though I know what works, I still find myself looking for that easier way. Weight Watchers isn't doing it, let's count calories. If counting calories is too restrictive, let's try intuitive eating. Oops, Intuitive Eating isn't working because all I want to eat is bread and chocolate, so let's move on to the next plan. All of the sudden, Weight Watchers sounds good again (even though I stopped doing that for specific reasons). I know what works, I know how to reach my goals, but there's a mental block somewhere that seems to be preventing me from fulfilling them all of the way. I get so far and then the roadblock is erected. I guess that's where I find myself today.

I know I need to stop whining and just do what I know needs to be done. It's like my struggles with running lately - I need to put one foot in front of the other, take my thoughts captive, and put in the work. If my goals are really that important to me, then I need to be willing to do what's necessary to achieve them. If that means waking up at 5 am to run, or only ordering one glass of wine and a salad for dinner, then that's what it means. True, there will be physical and emotional roadblocks put up, but when you get past them, that's where you grow stronger and more sure of yourself.

Phew!

With that said, I'm planning on a successful upcoming week. I have run and gym sessions written out in my calendar, lunches are made, and dinners for the week are planned out. I'm setting myself up to succeed.

Breaking Down and Building Up

2011-08-21T17:16:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was a bad day. A bad, bad, BAD day. After having awful dreams the night before, I woke up in an extremely bad mood.

I had plans to go tubing down the Shenandoah River with friends, and I was hoping the time spent outside, on the river, and hanging with positive people would be the push I needed to get out of the mood I was in. No such luck. I tried my best to have a good time, engage in conversation, and smile, but I was just miserable. One of those moods where nothing was pulling me out of it.

So, I came home and cried. Everything that has been building for the last month or so just came out. I had a good conversation with a family member and my running partner, since a lot of my stress lately is marathon related. Though, running was only one of many reasons for my sob fest. I was so close to just quitting it all last night, tired of being frustrated all of the time and feeling defeated after each run. But, after some sleep and trail therapy this morning, I decided I do NOT want to quit. I am so close and have come so far (even if I don't always believe it) that I would be absolutely disappointed with myself if I gave up now. Sometimes a break down is needed in order to build yourself back up.

I have a renewed sense of motivation that I hope powers me through the rest of marathon training and beyond. I'm working on changing my attitude - I tend towards the negative. When things get hard, I need to stop the negative self talk, stop telling myself I am weak. I need to think about how empowered I'll feel after completing a long distance run. I need to picture myself crossing the finish line of the marathon, and how proud of myself I'll be.

So, in the spirit of renewed motivation, my running partner and I have registered for the Virginia Beach Rock n' Roll Half Marathon. This race is in 2 short weeks. We've tossed around the idea of running this race for a while now, thinking that it will be a good gauge to see how prepared we are. But, I'm not going to lie, I want this to be my fastest half marathon. I have high expectations and hopefully all the stars align for a good race.

Risk

2011-08-17T10:18:00.000-07:00

At what point do you stop being cautious and safe, say f it, and take a risk? Any risk?

The weeks go by so fast

2011-08-14T16:25:00.000-07:00

It's Sunday night and a new work week is upon us. It was a pretty decent week, a lot was accomplished, and I made time to have some fun.

Some highlights:

I completed a 14 mile training run. I wrote about it here. I'm happy it's done, glad I have that distance behind me, and am ready to tackle next weekend's long run.
I made it to a yoga class! This was very much needed for stress release and relaxation, as my mind has been cluttered lately with thoughts that are not conducive to healthy living. It was one of the best things I did for myself all week, and hopefully I'll get to another one this week.
My eating was half on, half off. I wouldn't say it was terrible, but it wasn't as consistent as I would have liked it.
I had 2 fun nights out - one with friends at a winery celebrating a birthday, the other seeing a pretty good play at the Kennedy Center. Cate Blanchett, among other incredible Australian actors starred in it. It was a good night and I'm glad I decided to get tickets.

I've got some pretty fun things planned for the upcoming week, along with the usual training runs and workouts. My goals for this week are to stay on my training schedule, get in another yoga class, and try and get my eating under control. I realize that when my food is out of control, my running suffers. I need to maximize all of my runs for the next 2 months.

Have a great week!

Saturday Morning Run

2011-08-13T11:36:00.000-07:00

So, somehow, this happened today, and it was a struggle!

I don't even know where to begin or what to say about this morning's training run. It was great. It was awful.

The Good:

I have a new personal distance record - 14 miles.
Our time at 13.1 miles was 5 minutes faster than the half marathon finish time in May.
The first 10 miles were great - I felt good and was fully prepared to finish the last 4 miles feeling the same way.

The Bad:

My stomach!!!!!!! I started not feeling so well around mile 10 and seriously thought I was going to be sick on the trail. This resulted in walking more of the last 4 miles than I would have liked.
I felt bad that I was holding my running partner back, when she was clearly feeling great and wanted to keep going.
I kept thinking the usual negative thoughts and figuring out how I could quit during the last 4 miles. It was not pretty and there may have been some tears.

I'm not proud of the last 4 miles of today's training run. At the time, I was miserable, upset, my stomach was rebelling, and I just wanted to be done. But, sitting here now, I wonder if I could have powered through. Could I have kept going? Why am I so readily willing to give up on myself?

Even when you are training with other people, running is still a solo sport. And even though that sucks sometimes, that I get so wrapped up in my head and convince myself I'm never going to be able to do this, it could be an opportunity to prove something to myself. Each new distance is a struggle, but every time I complete it, it shows me how strong I can be. Because I completed it on my own two feet. And I don't have to run according to someone else's idea of how fast I should be going or how long I should be running. I can't keep comparing myself to other runners I know, because I am not them. I'm just me.

Week in Review

2011-08-06T13:14:00.001-07:00

Oh, what a week. Lots of highs and lows and lots of thinking. But, it's Saturday, and that kind of makes it a little better. Right? Here's what happened this week, the good and the bad.

Exercise: This was a slow week as I've been trying to climb out of a funk. Whenever I get down or go through these low periods, my healthy habits fly out the window.

Saturday: I finally completed a 10 mile training run!!! It seems I have a mental block when it comes to the double digit runs. But, this one actually felt good. I wonder if my pre-run dinner of drunken noodles had anything to do with it?
Sunday: Nothing
Monday: Nothing
Tuesday: 4 mile walk - this should have been a run, but you know, it just didn't happen
Wednesday: Nothing. We had plans to run, but a miscommunication in meeting location derailed this.
Thursday: 3 mile walk - this was a big trail therapy day for the both of us. We needed the talk more than we needed the run.
Friday: 3 mile hill run - finally a run, and a hilly one at that. We kept a 12 minute mile pace, and though it felt hard, it didn't feel as impossible as the last time we ran that route.

Food: Let's not talk about this. Today started a new day, and so far, I'm proud of the choices I've made.

Fun: Last Saturday night, there was a little too much fun, and I woke up Sunday morning feeling less than desirable. Luckily, the most strenuous thing I had to do was drive to my aunt and uncle's house and sit by their pool. Besides feeling pretty crummy, it was a good day.

I finally saw Harry Potter 7.2, surprising my youngest sister that it took me this long to see it. Great movie!

I also met some of my Ragnar teammates - gosh, most of them are hard core. Oh boy, what have I gotten myself into? Every one seemed super nice, so hopefully the race will be a good experience.

Thoughts for the upcoming week:
We have a 12 mile training run planned for Sunday morning - eek!
I will make it to yoga. I WILL make it to yoga!
Friends are pushing me to run the Virginia Beach Rock n Roll Half Marathon over labor day weekend. I'm still undecided. I'm not sure I want to spend a lot of money on the race and hotel for what will essentially be a training run. It's a flat course and it would be nice to try and PR, but I'm not fully committed yet.
Sleep - I need to try and get some this week. Powering through the week on 5 hours per night isn't going to work much longer.

August Set Up

2011-08-03T18:17:00.000-07:00

I'm still thinking on what I posted last night. I know I need to start making some emotional and mental changes - this journey that I'm on is not solely a physical one. I need to start trusting myself, treating myself better, and believing that I am worth it. I matter, even if I don't always believe it. I still don't know how I'm going to complete this overhaul, but it will probably be in baby steps. Those small increments will add up, and soon I'll be closer to where I want to be.

So, clearly I'm a few days late rehashing my July and setting some goals for the new month. Life, you know, sometimes gets in the way.

The key word for the month of July was distraction! Distraction, distraction, distraction.

Some of them were good, like camping trips with friends,

(Camping at Assateague Island National Seashore - and yes, those are wild horses in our campsite)

summer concerts at wineries,

and climbing mountains with my family.

(Halfway to the top of Chimney Rock. And yes, my nieces made it all the way up without being carried.)

And others were not so great, such as work stresses and the ending of a relationship. But, here we are, a new month, a new beginning, and time to set some new goals.

The ultimate goal, as it will be for the next few months, is to continue marathon training. We are getting to the meat of our training program, with nothing but double digit long runs from here on out. October 30th will be here before I know it. My running partner and I both agreed it's time to step it up.

The Ragnar Relay is also coming up fast, and there's still a lot I need to do in order to feel prepared for this adventure. I need to start training on hills and getting in some more speed runs. I have to say, the idea of not sleeping for 2 days does not thrill me, but I have been promised the time of my life.

I'd love to continue losing weight, but I don't really want to commit to a certain number of pounds. Actually, I do have a goal weight I'd like to be at September 1st, but if I don't make it, the world won't end. As long as I plan healthy meals, am consistent in how and what I eat, and continue running, the weight will come off.

I need to slow down! Since the beginning of the year, my life has been one speed - go! Between my full time job, my part time (fun!) job working at the performing arts center, marathon training, travel, and trying to have what resembles a social life, I haven't had a lot of down time. The performing arts center is dark for the month of August, meaning I have the entire month off from that job! Part of me wants to take advantage of the extra time by adding more to my schedule. But, I know I need to use this time to relax, catch up on some sleep, an enjoy the rest of the summer.

I know I say this every month, but I need more yoga in my life. However, I mention it this time as a much needed stress release. The month of distraction has also been known as the month of stress, and I would like to use yoga as a stress release tool. Lately I've been using bread, and that's no good. I'm seriously contemplating purchasing a 30 day pass to one of the local yoga studios and going as often as I can.

I also want to do at least one thing a week for me. It doesn't have to a grand gesture, but just something that makes me feel good and reminds me that I'm worth it. This could be anything from sleeping in, laying by the pool with a new book, a mani/pedi, or whatever!

Time to get started!

How My Weight has Defined Me

2011-08-02T18:14:00.000-07:00

I've had the idea for this blog post in the back of my mind for a while now, though I've been apprehensive to actually write it out. It has the potential to be extremely personal and emotional, and do I really want that out there for all the world to see? And forgive me now if this turns into one big stream of consciousness, rambling post.

I don't remember a time when I wasn't overweight. I see pictures of me at 5 and 6, and I am the size of a normal child, but I don't remember that. I only remember 3rd grade, 4th grade and on, being larger than the other kids in my class. Of being taken to Weight Watchers when I was 11 years old. Of going to middle school and being tormented by the new boys in my class. I was (and probably still am) the largest person in my immediate family. I went through high school hiding because of my weight. I played softball, but refused to try out for my school's team because I feared they would take one look at me and laugh. I never went to a homecoming dance, had a boyfriend, or went to prom.

I went away for college. I moved 1000 miles from my friends and family to a city where I knew no one. Looking back on it, I'm not sure I'd make the same decision, but I wouldn't be where I am today if I hadn't gone away to school. I often wonder how my life would be different if I'd stayed close to home. I played the same role on college that I played in high school - be invisible, don't draw attention to myself, keep my head down and mouth shut. I was scared - I'm still not sure exactly of what. Of being judged? Of being teased, ridiculed, laughed at?

Now, I know at any point, I could have changed the story. I could have taken charge of my life and lost weight at a younger age - and believe me, I get angry at myself all of the time for not doing so. I could have said, yeah, this is me now, but that's who I am and I won't apologize for it. I could have accepted myself. And that, I think, is the hardest part for me to grapple with as I've gotten older. I never accepted myself, felt I was worth anything, or felt that I was anymore than my weight. It was what people saw and what I was judged on.

How does all of this affect me now? Well, I am still that scared girl. I still don't accept myself for the person I am, even after losing 100+ pounds. I hardly ever see the good in myself and am my own worst critic. I fear being judged based solely on my weight. And I still feel as though that number on the scale defines me. I am terrified of speaking up. I've always been a natural listener, but hardly ever do I share my feelings or what I'm thinking. And I'm afraid this is one of the things that just doomed my most recent relationship with a guy I thought would understand me better than anyone could.

I'm 31 and I still don't know how to change the story. There are things I want out of my life (husband and children among others), but I'm too scared to go after them. How do I change decades of thinking? I was never one for reaching for the stars; I'm more of a status quo girl. And that's because I never felt I deserved the stars. Sure, I have friends, and sure, I go out, but it's never with confidence. I'm the one parked on the bar stool while my friends are social butterflies. I'd rather observe than participate. Wow, light bulb moment as I realize that sums up my entire life.

So, clearly, losing weight did not solve all of my problems. They're all still there, just in a smaller shell. The mental aspect is one of the hardest things about this whole process. I want to write a new reality and I completely agree life is what you make of it. I'm ready to start participating, just as soon as I figure out how.

Marathon Training Plan

2011-07-02T09:33:00.000-07:00

I had an amazing evening last night. I got dressed up, put on some makeup and jewelry, and drove into DC to see Next to Normal at the Kennedy Center. It's no secret that I am a big fan and supporter of the performing arts - I even have a fun part time job as an usher at a local performing arts center. Hello free theatre! It was an amazing show about a family dealing with mental illness and spoke close to home, as I have someone close to me who is bipolar. I can't say enough positive things about each actor's performance and the show as a whole. If I had the time, I would love to go back and see it again before it moves on to the next city.

I also figured it might be time to post something about my marathon training plans. Yesterday marked 4 months until the race and since the half marathon in May, my training has floundered. I've let travel and other things get in the way. I have seriously been concerned about my preparation and ability to complete the race, which I documented a few times. So, last week, I finally put to paper a plan for the next 4 months. I'm a planner by nature and winging it doesn't work for me. I love lists and structure, so I knew creating a training plan would help to ease my anxiety.

Keeping in mind that my running partner and I are using the Galloway Method, I consulted many different training plans. I didn't need anything too ambitious, just something that would get me across the finish line. I'm not looking for a specific finish time, though sub 6 hours would be nice. And I want to make sure strength training, cross training, and yoga are all part of the plan. Building muscle will only make me a stronger runner, and the yoga will stretch my muscles out and hopefully help keep me free from injury. I took a Body Pump class last week and my upper body strength is non-existent. And I also bought another Groupon for a local yoga studio as incentive.

So, for the upcoming week, this is what I have planned. Most, if not all of the runs will be done in the morning, as it is getting hot and humid here. The earlier we get out to run, the easier it should be.

Sunday, 7/3 - 8 miles
Monday, 7/4 - off (I'll be at my aunt and uncle's house for the 4th, so probably won't do much)
Tuesday, 7/5 - 3 miles in the morning; Body Pump Class after work
Wednesday, 7/6 - Speedwork; Yoga Class after work
Thursday, 7/7 - 3 miles in the morning
Friday, 7/8 - Cross Training Cardio and Strength Training
Saturday, 7/9 - off (planning on going horseback riding

This looks like a manageable schedule and even has some rest days in there. :) Without those, I would either get injured or burn out before October.

Have a great 4th of July weekend!

Ragnar Relay

2011-06-27T16:13:00.000-07:00

As I've mentioned before, I am registered to run a leg of the Ragnar Relay - Washington, D.C. This is a 12 person, 200 mile relay race that starts in an Appalachian Mountain town and winds its way through Maryland, DC, and Virginia. It ends along the Potomac River just outside of DC.

This event was never on my radar - I got involved because a friend of mine was on the team and needed another runner. So, I bowed to peer pressure and signed up. I have no idea what to expect, except that I will be running three legs of the race, traveling in a van with 5 other people (the other 6 runners will be in another van), and possibly not sleeping much for 2 days. Sounds like fun, right?

The legs I'm currently assigned look manageable - my friend Gina, who's awesome and inspires me daily, volunteered for the hardest and steepest portions of the race. She rocks! My leg distances and ratings vary. The first one is 5.7 miles, listed as hard, and has a slight net elevation decrease. My second leg is 6.7 miles, listed as moderate, and has no distinct elevation change. I get to end on an easy leg, running a flat 4.5 miles along the Potomac River. My total mileage for the race should be almost 17 miles.

While I am excited to take on this challenge, meet new people, and enhance my marathon training, I am also NERVOUS! The usual insecurities have popped into my head - I'm not fast enough, I'm too big, I'll slow my team down. I've been trying to replace the negatives with positives, and it also helps that I have encouraging, supportive people around me.

As I write this out, the nervousness and negativity I feel are kind of dissipating. It constantly amazes me at how truly powerful our thoughts are.

I'm anticipating a fun, exhausting weekend in September. It should be full of great people, lots of laughs, and tons of fun.

Sunday Funday

2011-06-26T16:52:00.000-07:00

For the first time in...well, I can't remember when, I had a day that was totally unscheduled. There was nothing on my calendar, I wasn't expected anywhere, and I could do what I pleased. So, I did. :)

The day started off with an awesome breakfast -

Pancakes topped and stuffed with peanut butter, banana and some strawberry jam. So good! I love pancakes but rarely make them. I almost always eat oatmeal. Oatmeal always keeps me full, so I never want to switch it up. But these pancakes held me over until I was ready to eat lunch, so I will make them again.

When I lived in Florida, I was at the beach almost weekly and that's one thing I miss about living in Virginia. It was always my way to destress. And, today, it was what I wanted most to do. So, I packed up a lunch, picked out a book from my to-read stack, and drove about an hour east toward the Chesapeake Bay. And I found the beach.

Now, granted, it's not my beloved Gulf Coast, but it will do when I need my beach fix. Actually, it was quite perfect. I caught up on some reading (Rescue, by Anita Shreve, if anyone's interested), dozed in the sun, people watched, and searched for sharks teeth. I've never really been good at finding them, but today I found a lot!

And apparently, I wasn't too good at applying and reapplying sunscreen-

I must do better next time. That's a little too pink for my liking.

My day ended with probably the best pedicure I've ever had and a simple, satisfying dinner. I mixed some whole wheat couscous with corn, feta, cucumbers, grape tomatoes, and a splash of balsamic vinegar and paired that with a burger made from ground chicken.

I really need to remember how I felt today the next time I have an urge to over schedule myself. I have a habit of taking on too much, and every once in a while it's nice to have a day where there's absolutely nothing I have to do.

Confessions

2011-06-19T04:08:00.000-07:00

This is a taste of what's been going on in my head lately.

I love (!!!!!) Virginia but think about moving back to Florida all the time. I miss my nieces and the beach. I'm currently thinking about how I can get my sister and her family to move here.
I think about dropping out of the marathon on a daily basis. It's hard for me to see how I'll possibly be ready by the end of October.
The same goes for the Ragnar Relay. But, I made a commitment and I will see it through. And I have some awesome running friends who are constantly reassuring me.
I'm thinking of breaking up with my gym. I'd much rather exercise outside (running, hiking, biking), and my apartment complex has a pretty decent workout facility. Plus, I could better use that money somewhere else.
Today is the first father's day without my dad. I'm still trying to process my feelings about this, but I have a lot going on today to distract me.
I've been eating a lot of plain Greek yogurt. A LOT! I'm going through one large tub a week - thank goodness for cheap yogurt at Trader Joe's! I usually mix in some strawberries and TJ's Honey Apple Butter - yum! Maybe my gym money can go to support my Greek yogurt habit.
I will be in Florida again for a few days with my family. I have my training runs scheduled and written out on my calendar. I probably won't do them and I'll have to be okay with that. It's just hard for me to take the time away from spending with my family. I know that's an awful excuse, but I only see them maybe 4 times a year, so I try to soak it all in when I can.

Recap

2011-06-01T16:56:00.000-07:00

I had a great long weekend visiting my family in Florida. After a crazy April and May, frustrations at work, and just overall sense of blah, the trip seemed to be what I needed.

I made the trip down in my car, driving 14 hours straight from Virginia to the Tampa area. I won't do that again any time soon - I spent way too long in the car, stopping only for gas and bathroom breaks.

I worried prior to the trip about maintaining my routine and being "perfect". Well, I was far from perfect, but I didn't totally jump off the ship either. I didn't really track anything, but ate sensible breakfasts and lunches - oatmeal in the morning, sandwiches with fruit in the afternoon. Most dinners were eaten out - a Chik Fil A salad one night, a grilled grouper sandwich (without fries!!) the next evening, and a soft shell crab sandwich the last night I was at the beach (I ate some fries that evening).

One thing I noticed was the lack of hunger I felt the entire weekend. It's weird, or maybe it was because I was preoccupied with everything I was doing.

Speaking of what I was doing, I spent a lot of time around the water. When I used to live in Florida, I was at the beach practically every weekend. I desperately miss that and that was all I really wanted to do.

The first day I was here, I went kayaking. I've kayaked only once, on the Potomac River, and it was hard! Not so this time.

(I won't make a comment about my arms, I won't make a comment about my arms...)

We launched our kayaks at Weeki Wachee Springs State Park - I used to drive by there a lot, but had never been. I was really surprised when I saw the water - it was super clear.

In the picture above, the green patches in the water is actually vegetation at the bottom. No matter how deep the water, I could always see to the bottom.

We kayaked a about 8 miles. Along the way we saw birds,

a lot of fish, and the ultimate - manatees!!

I'm a manatee fanatic and have been ever since I can remember. There's just something about these animals that speaks to me, but I can't really put my finger on why. I even had an "adopted" manatee when I was younger.

There was a group of 3 in a swimming area along the river, including a juvenile. I was so exciting as they swam all around and underneath our kayaks, rolling over, and coming up for breath. We were all in awe as we watched them - it was pretty amazing and something I won't forget any time soon.

The only downside to my kayaking journey - horseflies. Those suckers bit the crap out of me. I woke up the next morning covered in bites. And they itch, even 5 days later!

I spent the rest of the weekend being a beach bum with my family, including my adorable nieces.

It was a good weekend, but now it's time to get back in the game. The marathon is in 5 months the Ragnar Relay in 4 months, and boot camp starts bright and early tomorrow morning.

Stressed

2011-05-25T17:22:00.000-07:00

I had a post written out in my head about how stressed I've been the past few days and how I've felt control slipping from my fingers. The past 2 days I haven't been the picture of perfect eating. But, the more I wrote it out, the more trivial it all sounded. Most of my stresses should really be non-issues. I mean, one of my concerns is going home to Florida this weekend and falling out of my routine. Stressing about a vacation? I think I just need to kind of chill out, as my friend Cheryl reminded me that it's just a few days, nothing that will ruin my progress. And I guess that's what I've been afraid of - ruining the progress I've made in the past 3 months and being back at ground zero.

A lot of it also come down to meeting expectations - mine and others around me. I've put a lot of stress on myself to lose the weight I've gained over the past year. And for the most part, I'm still ahead of the game. I've maintained a 100 pound weight loss for over a year. Yes, there is still more weight to lose, but I have accomplished something.

But, sometimes, that doesn't seem to be enough. I'm not at the lowest weight I was at almost 2 years ago. I'm not as fit as I was. I'm not this, I'm not that. I know that where I am right now isn't enough for me - I've tried to be satisfied with where I am and I'm not. I want to be faster, stronger, better, thinner. I want to finish the marathon strong. I want a 2hr 30min half marathon finish. I want my teammates to be proud of me when I run my legs of the Ragnar Relay in September. And finally I want most of all to be at a weight where I am finally comfortable in my skin. Where I can look in the mirror and not cringe or critique.

Wow, I've really gone off on a tangent here. Sorry about that! Bottom line is I'm still a work in progress. I'm not perfect and I'll never be perfect and I need to stop trying to be so. Aspects of this journey will not go as planned or on my time table. I have to be okay with that. I have to learn that I am enough as I am right now.

And speaking of stresses, vacation shouldn't be one. So, I'm going to go to Florida, enjoy the time I have with my family, get some sun, and do the best that I can in the situation that I'm in. And I know that when I come back home, my safe routine will be here, and I can just continue on my journey.

Marine Corps Historic Half Marathon

2011-05-15T13:51:00.000-07:00

The half marathon is complete!

I crossed the finish line with a time of 2:58:44. This accomplished 2 goals - beat Philadelphia's time and finish under 3 hours.

The race turned out to be more challenging than I thought. The weather today was overcast but extremely humid. Probably the most humid day we've had so far this year. I was drenched, sweaty, and gross by mile 3.

There were a lot of hills. A lot! I ended up walking most of them. Hill training will be done from here on out so that they don't pose as great a challenge.

When things started to get tough, I let some negative thoughts creep in and affect my running. This was probably between miles 8 and 11. I kept saying that I wanted to be done. Luckily, I had my running partner by my side to kind of lift my spirits and push me along. She kept telling me that the only way I was going to be done was by getting my butt moving.

With my history of stomach issues on long runs, I was really nervous. But, no tummy problems! I don't know why or how, but I'll just go with it. I think I od'd on water though - by the end of the race, I could tell I'd drunken too much. And there was a little bit of nausea after I finished. I think I've heard that described as being because all of your blood is diverted to your leg muscles and away from your stomach.

I'm not too sore. Immediately following the race, my legs were extremely tight and hurting. But, I've spent most of the day being somewhat active, walking around. I really could have used a nap, but I didn't want to spend the rest of my day sleeping. I remember everything hurting after Philly - my feet, hips (those were the worst), leg muscles. So far, I'm not experiencing anything to that degree. Hopefully I'll wake up tomorrow morning feeling this good!

I've been super hungry since about noon today and I'm trying to go with it. I'll eat, and then 2 hours later the stomach is grumbling again. I'm doing my best not to go over board, and I know that tomorrow morning I will get right back on track.

Speaking of food, we stopped at a restaurant right on the Potomac River for lunch. The skies had started to clear and we got to eat lunch on a dock overlooking the river. It was perfect! Much better than the Cracker Barrel we almost stopped at.

I think this race taught me a few lessons - the major one being I need to have more confidence in myself and know that I can do more than I think I can. Training is very important, and while I need to add hill and speed training, I also need to start doing some more strength training. If I can get stronger, I think that will help me power through. Losing some more weight will also help this to become more easier.

As I was running the race and struggling, I kept thinking how crazy I was to be doing this, why was I doing this, and how I'm never doing this again. Yet, now I find myself wondering when the next one is going to be. I have improvements I want to make and new goals I want to achieve. I need to continue to push past my comfort zone and see what I am capable of.

The day before the race

2011-05-14T05:04:00.000-07:00

Tomorrow I run my third half marathon. Who am I and what did I do with the old Lynne?

It's weird, but I kind of feel ready for this one. I feel strong. I've trained (a lot). I've lost some weight. I think I'm mentally prepared for the race. I've set myself up for success.

It will be an interesting race tomorrow. We are running through the city of Fredericksburg, through historic civil war battlefields, along the Rappahannock River, and up what is known as "Hospital Hill." There will be bands along the course, cheerleaders, volunteers, and spectators. Maybe I'll even catch a glimpse of Drew Carey, who's also running the race (though probably not). And for the first time, I will not be running alone.

I plan to enjoy my experience tomorrow, take it all in, and treat it as if I've never done it before. I want to go into the race happy and positive, trusting in my body to do what I proved it can.

Tomorrow - 13.1 miles!!!!!!

How did April go?

2011-05-01T16:32:00.001-07:00

It's the beginning of a new month - time to think on what I accomplished in April and the goals I have for May.

My goals for April were:

Run 70 miles and amp up marathon training - SUCCESS I ended up running 94 (!!!!) mile this past month and marathon training had officially begun.
Attend yoga classes 2-3 times per week ( I need to use the Groupon I bought) - Needs Improvement I attended yoga class and used my Groupon, but didn't attend in the frequency I set as my goal.
Keep my eating healthy, sensible, and within caloric limits - SUCCESS
Lose 5 pounds - SUCCESS I lost 6.6 lbs in April

Of course I set some new goals for May:

Run 70 miles
Complete the half marathon, finishing faster than I did in Philadelphia. Though, my secret goal is to PR, besting the time of my very first half.
Lose 5 pounds
Keep my eating healthy, sensible, and within caloric limits
Start doing more strength training. It doesn't have to be anything involved, but adding some push up, plank, squats, and sit ups to my daily routine couldn't hurt.
Stretch for 15 minutes every day - my muscles are so tight to begin with, and all of the running isn't making it any better. Stretching out at the end of the day should help my legs feel better after running and help me to avoid training injuries.

Totally achievable, right?

A walk in the woods

2011-05-01T15:06:00.000-07:00

Happy May! I can't believe it's a new month and I'll be running a half marathon in 2 weeks.

I spent yesterday in the woods - this seems to be a weekend thing for me, but I love it.

I joined a group for a 6 mile hike on parts of the Appalachian Trail in search of blooming wildflowers. The area we were in is apparently known for the beds of blooming trillium.

I'm no where close to being a botanist because I usually have no idea what I'm looking at. I'm learning, though, and yesterday I finally found out what poison ivy looks like.

I didn't realize that we would be hiking on the Appalachian Trail, which I'm a little obsessed with. I recently read Bill Bryson's A Walk in the Woods, which details his attempt at hiking all 2100 miles of the trail. It's massive, extending from Georgia all the way to Maine. We even came across a couple of hikers who were thru hiking the trail, and I sincerely hope they make it. I think it's a neat idea but am not sure if it's anything I'll ever conquer. Maybe a future bucket list item, but there are a lot of logistics to consider when planning something of this magnitude. Plus, I don't know if I'll ever be in the position to take 4 months at a time off of work. But, I can hike smaller segments of the trail, especially the ones here in Virginia that are so close.

Almost Perfect Day

2011-04-24T18:12:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter! Today was a such a gorgeous day here in the Northeast - I'm sad the weekend's over and a new work week begins.

I started the day off with an hour long walk at a nearby park. It still amazes me that I can find these little nature oases in the middle of a bustling metropolitan area. Not to mention the historic ruins and artifacts that are everywhere. It's great!

I ended up walking 2.5 miles in that hour - clearly this outing was not about speed. The goal was just to get out and enjoy the morning - it was early enough that everything was still dewy and fresh, if that makes sense. It was quiet and peaceful and I could reflect on things as I walked. And you know what? Not every physical outing has to be be about the amount of calories I burn or how long I go for. Sometimes it's just about taking in the sights and enjoying what's around me.

I spent the rest of the day at my aunt and uncle's house, as they were gracious enough to invite me over for dinner. My aunt is a great cook and we had the most un-Easter like dinner of steak, mashed potatoes, corn, and green beans. Oh, and brownies. And I ate it all without any guilt! I showed restraint, watched my portions, and stopped when full. But there was no guilt about what I was eating and no anxiety over my lack of control in how things were prepared or not knowing how many calories I was eating. It was great to spend some time with them, especially since the rest of my family is so far away.

Double Digits

2011-04-23T11:06:00.000-07:00

I think I have a mental block against double digit training runs. I hope that doesn't sound too pretentious. There have been only a couple of times in the past 2 years that I have had 10 miles on my training schedule, and they never really happened as planned. Today was no different.

Cheryl, my training partner, and I had planned on hitting the trail for 10 miles today in preparation for the half marathon we are running in a few weeks. Things started off okay - we did an out and back route for five miles, then made a pit stop at our cars for a quick stretch, some Gatorade, and a few glucose tablets for energy. We then started out going the other direction for the remaining five miles. This other direction contains a lot of overpasses and inclines and is tougher for me.

I don't think we were both mentally into it today. Cheryl's going on vacation tomorrow and I just mentally give up on myself when things start to get difficult and everything hurts. It started raining around mile 6 and coupled with the blisters I could feel on my feet, I just checked out. I was willing to power through so we could claim 10 miles, but when Cheryl looked at me and asked me if I wanted to turn around, I said yes.

We ended up with a total of 8 miles, which is still nothing to scoff at. We've come a long way in the past 3 months and we both agreed that if the half marathon were tomorrow, we would be able to complete it. I also noted that I feel a lot more prepared for this race than the last one I ran. Overall, I feel so much better. My weight is steadily decreasing, my nutrition is more in line with what it should be, and I am regularly running. I see all of those as successes.

Redemption

2011-04-17T16:57:00.000-07:00

After last Thursday's post, I did a lot of thinking. A lot! I thought about my nutrition, running, my fear of completing the marathon, and my overall willingness to mentally give up on myself. What I decided is that I do have what it takes to reach my goals, I am strong enough to train for and complete the marathon in October, and no one can stand in my way but me. I refuse to be an obstacle to my own success.

My new found resolution has really shown the past few days. Friday after work, I completed a 4 mile run, averaging 11:51 per mile. Oh, the other thing I decided is that I refuse to apologize for being slower. There's always room for improvement and I know my speed will get better, but this is where I am at the moment.

I ran again this morning, completing 9 miles in under 2 hours. I am extremely proud of this one, as I was nervous going into it. 9 miles is quite a distance and anything could have happened. Slow and steady was my mantra for today, and slow and steady was how I finished.

It's amazing what the passing of 24 hours can do.

Can I get there?

2011-04-14T16:34:00.000-07:00

This week continues to be a struggle and I can't pinpoint a specific reason why. My runs are crap, my eating has been less than stellar, and my head is not in the right place. I don't understand it! How can I go from last week, where I felt in control, to this week, feeling inadequate, not good enough and like I'll never get there. There being my goal weight, the marathon, and I guess ultimately happy with myself.

Today my running partner and I had 4 miles scheduled and before I even got out on the trail, I knew it was going to be hard. It's been hard all week, why would today be any different? That was mistake #1 - I had already determined how the run would go before I even began. I made it 2.5 miles before I just broke down. I keep thinking back to two summers ago, when I was running with the half marathon training group. I look back on those posts and see happy, successful, good enough. I remember the day I ran my first 7 miles without stopping. I was so proud of myself Reading through those posts, I found something that I wrote that explains a lot of how I feel: "My body can run, I just have to let it." Meaning, I need to get out of my head and just do it.

I realize that my running ability, or lack thereof, is not the problem. I'm frustrated because I still weigh more than I'd like to. I think this is bothering me more than I let on. 2 summers ago I was at the lowest weight I've ever been in my entire life. I felt great, I looked good, I could do things I never thought I'd do. But for some reason, I threw that away. I let myself gain back 30 pounds. I let myself stop running for 6 months. I got lazy and thought, okay, so I'm not at XXX pounds, maybe I can live with this. But I can't.

I had a long talk with my running partner today as we walked the remaining 1.5 miles back to our cars. I told her how, at this point, I can't see how I'll ever make it through a marathon. I told her how frustrated I've been this week with my ability, how I felt it wasn't getting any easier, and how I didn't want to hold her back. She's been so supportive of me and is truly a great friend, and said all of the right things. I know she's right, and I have to believe in myself because I am my only roadblock. All of the obstacles I see in my way were put there by me - mainly my weight and my limiting beliefs.

So, I need to figure out how to go forward. I know how to lose weight - I've done it before and I can do it again. It's not going to happen as fast as I would like it to, but it will happen. I need to continue to push myself physically, past that comfort zone and past the point where my mind starts screaming "I can't!" Because I know I can. I just have to do it.

Busy

2011-04-11T17:33:00.001-07:00

I'm tired. The month of April has been go go, go, with little rest and relaxation. Work has been super busy, marathon training has definitely ramped up, and I found myself entered in a fitness challenge that runs through the end of May.

Let's start with the fitness challenge - it's a 4 stage competition that actually started last summer and the champion wins a pretty good amount of money. I've successfully made it through Phase 1 and Phase 2, and phase 3 started at the beginning of April. I wasn't going to continue on, but was convinced otherwise. I constantly curse my inability to say no.

The goal of this portion is to accumulate the most number of points by participating in various fitness activities. The top 3 points earners move on to the final challenge, which hasn't been revealed yet. So, along with my training partner Cheryl, who's also doing the challenge, I have been busting my behind trying to get as many points as possible.

This challenge actually helps out with marathon training, as it's been forcing us to get in our training runs and increase our mileage. It's been easy for us to maintain a base level, but we're still 6 months out from the marathon and it's easy to think we still have lots of time. Cheryl and I are running the Marine Corps Historic Half Marathon on May 15th; it's a month away and we are doing the best we can to be prepared for it.

In the past week, we've run 26.5 miles, the longest being yesterday at 8 miles. Then we followed it up with another 4 today. We had a heat wave in the DC area today as temperatures approached 90 degrees. I struggled and after tonight cannot see how I could possibly complete a 13.1 mile race. My legs felt like lead and I couldn't get a good breathing pattern going. My struggles led to 4 miles of negative thinking, mainly along the lines of being too big to train for a marathon, I'm not fast enough, good enough, I'm not going to be able to do this.

I know why I struggled today - the heat coupled with fatigue from my nonstop training. But it still doesn't change the thoughts and negative self talk I had or decrease my frustration any less. If I did 8 yesterday, 4 today should have been a piece of cake.

I know I need a rest day, which I'll kind of give myself tomorrow, as I'm registered for a yoga class. What I really need to do is learn how to not take on more than I can handle or constantly fill my calendar. But that's a whole new post for another day.

Accomplishments and Goals

2011-03-31T13:47:00.000-07:00

March has come to a close and I have to say it was the best month I've had in a really long time. I don't feel as if I struggled as much - things just seemed to move fluidly.

What I accomplished this month:

I ran 64.5 miles, surpassing the goal of 50 that I set for myself
I exercised for a total of 1012 minutes this month
I stuck to my daily caloric goals, having only one time of the month induced bad day
I lost 10 pounds!!

My goals for April include:

Run 70 miles and amp up marathon training
Attend yoga classes 2-3 times per week ( I need to use the Groupon I bought)
Keep my eating healthy, sensible, and within caloric limits
Lose 5 pounds

On a side note, I would love to go back to Florida this month to visit my family, but I don't know if I'm going to make it. There is a weekend at the end of the month where I might be able to swing it, but I'll just have to see as it gets closer. Plus, my niece turns 4 in April and I would love to see her.

Happy Spring!

Not much to report

2011-03-27T19:08:00.000-07:00

It's been quiet on the blog because my life has been quiet. It's pretty much status quo here in Virginia.

Things are going well on the food and exercise front. I've only had one bad food day in the past 4 weeks, which coincided with that lovely time of the month, but I was able to pick myself up the next day and move on. Since February 28th, I am down 7 pounds - I'm happy with that.

I'm averaging 5 days of exercise per week. Right now, it's mostly running and I know I need to switch it up. I'm concerned that I've taken on more than I can chew with the Marine Corps Marathon. Yes, October is far away, but it will be here before I know it and I want to be prepared. I feel like I'm starting training further behind than I should be and I want to get in as many runs per week as I can. I realize this can potentially lead to injury, so I'm going to do some cross training and yoga. I bought a Groupon for a month of unlimited yoga at a local studio that I'm going to use at the beginning of April. And even though it snowed this morning, the weather is getting better, so I see a lot of hiking in my future.

So, that's what's been up for the past couple of weeks. Working, lots of exercise, making healthy food choices, a few happy hours, and just overall good times.

So far, so good

2011-03-09T17:33:00.000-08:00

We are now 9 days into the month of March and I have done some sort of physical exercise for 8 of those days. I think that's a record for me. Though my body is starting to tell me it needs a break, so I'll listen and take a rest day tomorrow.

What I've been doing:

running! I'm averaging 3 miles per run, though I did 4.5 miles last Saturday with my marathon training partner. She's speedier than I am, so we were running faster than I normally do when I'm solo.
group fitness training - these sessions are early in the morning, and it's often a struggle for me to get out of bed and get there. I love to sleep and there's just something wrong about getting up when it's still dark outside. Though, when the time changes next week, I;ll have to get used to it again.

I think that's it as far as the exercise. Food-wise I've been spot on. I've had no problems staying within my daily calorie goal, which surprises me a bit. Calorie counting is a new technique for me, so I wasn't sure how I would take to it. I'm writing everything down in a small notebook that I carry with me, and then I out the numbers in a spreadsheet to keep it nice and pretty.

Honestly, what I do while counting calories doesn't differ too much from what I did on Weight Watchers. I still plan out my meals and know almost exactly what I'll be eating throughout the day. I still measure and weigh my food, writing it all down. The techniques and habits are all the same; I'm just now accounting for it a bit differently.

The weekend is almost upon us - I'm running a 5k in Richmond on Saturday in memory of my dad. Other than that, it should be a relatively quiet weekend, which I'm looking forward to.

Weekend Recap and March Goals

2011-03-01T04:59:00.000-08:00

I started this post a few days ago, but time got away from me and I am just now finishing it.

Happy March! As a self-proclaimed lover of winter, I should bemoan the beginnings of spring, but I am ready to not be cold all of the time. Spring will be here before we know it.

Last weekend I celebrated my 31st birthday with a trip to New York City.

I never do anything for my birthday - didn't even celebrate the big 3-0, but decided I wanted to change that this year. I love NYC and there was no other place I wanted to be.

I had a great time - we visited Times Square,

saw a Broadway musical (very good, btw),

walked the Brooklyn Bridge in the rain,

experienced the NYC subway,

and visited the home of my "crack" White Chocolate Peanut Butter.

Of course I had to order something while there - I did come a long way :)

I ordered the sandwich of the week - crunchy peanut butter with cream cheese and cherry preserves. SO GOOD!!!! I had my doubts about the pb/cream cheese combination, but it was really good. I'm going to have to make this sandwich at home.

I love NYC and can't wait to return.

With a new month brings a new set of goals. The big one is to begin marathon training - I've got a lot of work ahead of me and October will be here before I know it. Other goals for the month include:

run 50 miles for the month
exercise for 1000 minutes this month
follow my food plan and stay within my daily allowances
read more!
lose 5 lbs (i never put a time frame on weight loss, but think this is a totally do-able goal)
start using my blog to remain more accountable and on track

I think that's enough for March. Bring it on!

26.2

2011-02-23T20:04:00.000-08:00

So, how many blog posts have I started off with "I think I'm crazy..."? At least a couple that I know of. This one might take the cake - yours truly is registered to run the Marine Corps Marathon at the end of October.

Let it sink in, because it took me a while to get used to the idea as well.

Here's how it all went down - registration opened for the race today, and I made a comment about that on my Facebook. The idea was there in the back of my head, as I knew someday I wanted to cross a marathon off my bucket list. I just didn't think 2011 would be the year. I felt, and still do feel, that I have a lot of work ahead of me before I would be in the position to train for a race of this magnitude. I still have some extra weight I need to get rid of and I want to get back into the shape I was a year ago.

So, I had pretty much decided to pass on the race this year, and maybe try for it next year. Until I got an email from a good friend, who I happen to regularly run with. She signed up for the race and wanted to know if I considered doing so as well. That's all I really needed to sway my decision, and before I knew it, we were discussing training plans and runs this summer and how this was going to be a great year for the both of us. At least I'm not doing this alone.

I'm scared. Completely and utterly scared out of my mind. There's 2 voices competing in my head - one wondering what the #@$^ I'm thinking, that I'll never make it. That I'm not a runner and crazy for wasting my money and effort. The other is excited and hopeful and knows that if I can do this, it will be a major accomplishment for me. If I can do this, I will probably believe that I can do anything.

So, here goes nothing. 8 months until the race. Wish me luck, because I think I need it. :)

Running in the Rain

2011-02-21T16:19:00.000-08:00

I've said before that my biggest motivator is myself. However, I am also my biggest saboteur. Seems contradictory, doesn't it. I get so wrapped up in my own head that what could be easy becomes the hardest thing in the world. I am quick to talk myself out of things, tell myself I can't do something, and give up more easily than I should. That became really evident tonight.

Tonight was a planned run with two of my friends. We ran together every week last year during the summer and fall, then fell off over the winter when it got cold and dark at 5:00. We started running again last week, as the weather has warmed up some (though not a lot) and the sun stays out later. Today, though, was cold and rainy. I don't do well running in the cold - it hurts. Or, at least that's what I told myself. So, tonight we gathered as planned, stood outside in the 37 degree drizzle, and decided to go for it. I was already prepared to fail, as I believed that I couldn't run in the cold. Well, because I had two people running by my side, I was determined not to give up. I kept going, even though my chest did hurt at first.

But, it got better. After the first mile, everything kinda fell in place, the breathing stabilized, my body warmed up, and I just went. I proved all of my preconceived notions about my ability wrong. I changed the story that's been in my head for a long time, one that could potentially hold me back. I didn't give up when I thought I couldn't do it. I proved to myself that I could!

The mind is a very powerful thing and my thoughts and beliefs about myself mold me into who I am. If I continue to limit myself based on what I "think" I can or cannot do, then I limit what I can accomplish. It's not always going to be easy, and there are going to be times I want to give up. But if I am persistent and keep at it, I will be successful.

Review

2011-02-13T19:37:00.001-08:00

I can't sleep. It's not terribly late, but for someone who needs to be up at 5:30 tomorrow morning, it's late. Lately, getting to sleep has been a problem, as I have a lot on my mind.

My weigh in yesterday was successful - down a pound. It's a loss and I'll take it, but something in the back of my mind tells me it's not enough, that I'm not doing enough. There are negative voices in the back of my head - do more, eat less, push yourself harder.

I had, what most would consider, a good weekend. I lost weight, went hiking with some friends, saw a production of the Wedding Singer musical, saw True Grit (good movie), and had some good food and good wine with a friend. Seems good, right? So what am I missing? Why do I feel the need to go down a path that will lead me farther from my goals? What's different now from 2 years ago when I was steadily working the Weight Watchers program? Why, when I want something so badly, do I sabotage all efforts for success?

I don't really have any answers to these questions. Maybe I'm just over thinking everything. Maybe I need to stop thinking and just do it?

Adventures in Hiking, Take 2

2011-02-05T13:07:00.000-08:00

Does hiking in the rain, over ice and snow make you hard core? Because that's what I did today.

I discovered a hike that was really close to my home - about 20 minutes away. As I researched the trails, I found that there were a lot of historical ruins scattered throughout. That alone made this a must do for me - there's something about American history that fascinates me. I love learning about the 1700s and 1800s and even better, seeing buildings, ruins, and artifacts from that time period.

I came across the remains of a stone house and an ice pit fairly early in the hike. It's silly how excited I was.

The ice pit - a big hole in the ground where they stored ice.

About a quarter mile later was the mill -

This mountain has a number of different trails throughout, and I did my best to follow the map. At times, the trails were covered with snow and ice, which made it difficult, but not impossible. At one point, I thought I was walking in a stream, but it turned out to be the trail. Even though I was watching every step I made, I almost fell many times. It's a good thing I know how to grab onto tree trunks to save me. :)

The ascent was moderate in difficulty - I did have to rest a few times to catch my breath. I have a tendency to want to give up when things are hard and sometimes I let my thoughts get the best of me, but not today. Today, I wanted to be able to say I made it all the way up the mountain. I have a new mantra I've been saying to myself - "This is helping me reach my goals" - and I repeated it a lot going up.

Going down was easy peasy! Though, my heart did stop a bit when I saw Bambi and his friends running through the woods. Wish I got a picture of that, but I was kinda scared and stood still until they were gone.

Overall, I managed 4 miles and about a 900 ft elevation gain in a little under 2 hours, earning me 11 activity points! Wow! Oh, and weigh in was this morning and I was down 2.6 pounds.

There's a lot more to this hike that I didn't get to, and I plan to return to see the things I didn't get to today. Despite the weather, it was a great adventure.

Hodge Podge

2011-02-03T15:35:00.000-08:00

Some random tidbits-

I am tempted - okay, seriously considering - going to Minneapolis in June to run a race and meet people I've only ever heard on my iPod. We've already established I'm a little bit crazy.

My baby brother turns 23 today - Happy Birthday Brett!

I'm still working on the AM exercise thing. I do great when I have my group training 3 times a week. Not so great when no one is expecting me to be there.

My February exercise goal is 1000 minutes. I'm already off to a good start.

7 weeks until the Cherry Blossom 10 miler!!!!!!

I'm running a 5k in March that will be especially meaningful. My goal is to beat November's time. I'm really trying to push myself, even though the extra weight makes it more difficult.

Last weekend I got together with a bunch of friends and went skiing.

We went to Seven Springs resort in Pennsylvania - I have no idea what city I was in, just that I was somewhere in the mountains in the middle of nowhere. I was driving along this two lane road for what seemed like forever and then, poof, there were the mountain and resort.

I was a senior in high school when I skied last, which was 14ish years ago - gosh, that makes me feel old right now. I remembered a little, but it wasn't that easy. I refreshed my muscle memory on the bunny slope, then stuck to the easiest runs. I was scared of the lift, of all things, but I only wiped out a few times going down the mountain. It was fun, though.

The next day, I woke up with sore calves and decided I wanted to do something else. There were a lot of different activities to choose from, but I went with something I had never done before - snowshoeing.

I've been on this hiking kick lately - I can't get enough of it. So when offered the opportunity to essentially go hiking in the snow, I jumped. Most of my friends opted to ski, but I did manage to convince a couple to come with me. Much fun was had.

It was a great weekend!

Week 2

2011-01-27T05:08:00.000-08:00

Week 2 was a success!

Due to the snow, my Weight Watchers meeting was canceled last night. I still weighed in at home, and lost 3 pounds! This excited me, not only because I lost weight but I had 2 meals out and I didn't blow it.

Last Friday, I got together with 5 of my friends for dinner at a PassionFish for Restaurant Week. The meal included an appetizer, main course, and dessert. I don't do well at restaurants, especially ones that don't post their nutritional information. However, I had a slightly different attitude that night - I wanted to enjoy the time out with my friends and not worry about the food or feel guilt. And I think I succeeded.

Prior to dinner, I studied the menu and knew exactly what I was going to order. This is always hard for me because I wrestle with what I want and what I "should" have. I'm notorious for not using my extra 49 weekly points, but last weeks meeting was about just that. My leader encouraged us to use them, and that's what I did. I ordered Ceviche for my appetizer, the Rockfish with crabby mashed potatoes (super yum!) for my main dish, and the chocolate mouse for dessert. Plus a glass of wine.

It was a great evening, and though there was a little pang of guilt (that darned dessert), overall, I was happy with the choices I made. For me, events like this are slowly becoming more about the people I'm with than the food I'm eating.

The rest of the week was spot on. I stayed within my points plus range, got in significant exercise 5 times, and made good choices. And ultimately, that's what this boils down to - choice.

Wordless Wednesday - Snow Edition

2011-01-26T14:47:00.000-08:00

A Hike in the Woods

2011-01-23T15:33:00.001-08:00

Today, I had one goal in mind - drive to the Shenandoah National Park and find some frozen waterfalls.

I think I succeeded.

I did a 3 mile loop, which took me about 90 minutes. It was a lot harder and had more elevation gain than I expected. I will definitely feel it in my legs tomorrow!

It was windy and the temperatures were below freezing, but I still managed to sweat a little.

Don't know when I became such a nature girl, but I think I like it!

After, I drove along Skyline Drive, a road that cuts through the park, for about 65 miles. The maximum speed along this road is 35 mph, and believe me, it's that for a reason. Lots of twists and turns, ups and downs. There a number of overlooks along the way that look down into the valley or out on the mountains.

Despite the cold, it was a perfect day!

Explore

2011-01-22T16:51:00.000-08:00

Winter can be a brutal time of year, even though we seem to have an easier time of it here in the mid-Atlantic. It's cold and windy, there's snow and ice; but I'm one of those weirdos who likes all of that. Okay, well, well maybe not driving on the snow and ice.

As much as I love all thinks winter, I've found myself in hibernation mode. I know a lot of it has to do with an emotionally draining November and December. There's a lot I want to get out there and do, but when the time comes to act, I instead opt for the sweatpants and my couch.

My fun to-do list is growing by the day. The number of things to do within an hour of my home alone could keep me occupied for months. Every weekend that I'm free, I would love to do a new to me activity. I want to go to Pennsylvania and discover Amish country, find frozen waterfalls in the Virginia mountains, explore Asheville, Charlottesville, Boston, and places I've never been before. And this is just the East Coast. There's the whole rest of the country and word to explore!

What does this have to do with weight loss? Probably not a whole lot. I think it has more to do with me growing as a person and occasionally stepping outside of my comfort zone. It's about living life and experiencing all that I can. I probably wouldn't have had the confidence or energy to do what's on my list 100 pounds ago. Hiking in the mountains at over 300 pounds would never have been considered.

Since this subtitle to my blog is My Life as it Happens - Weight Loss, Food, Life, Love, I hope to chronicle the experiences I have. I am quickly learning that life is about more than just decreasing my pants size.

The First Week

2011-01-20T16:06:00.000-08:00

Yesterday concluded my first full week on the Points Plus plan, and I am happy to report a 5.4 lb weight loss. Yes, that's pretty awesome, and no, I don't expect every week to be like that.

I got back to the basics-breakfast every morning, packing my lunch every day, and cooking dinners at home. I went to the gym. I feel great now that I've spent one week, the first full week in a long time, on plan.

I can tell there's been a little shift mentally. For the past 6 months or so, my heart hasn't really been into completing my weight loss journey. Sure, I know I should have put a stop to my downward spiral, but I don't think I wanted to. I was tired of cooking, tired of meticulously planning my meals and counting every bite.

I don't know if I hit bottom again last week when I went back to meetings. I do know I was fed up with what I was doing to myself and needed to stop before I weighed over 300 pounds again. Looking at some pictures at my lowest weight helped a lot. It reminded me of what I really wanted.

Following the new program is like starting Weight Watchers from the beginning. Sure, the concept is the same, but the point values are all different. I have to recalculate everything - before I could look at the nutritional information and know the points value. That's no longer the case. I also like the incentive of 0 point fruit, even though eating fruit has never been a problem.

Overall, though it's only been a week, I am satisfied with the plan and my adjustment to it. I realize this may be ambitious, but I would like to reach goal this year. I think I'm finally in the right mindset again to do it.

Quick Post

2011-01-20T04:37:00.000-08:00

Just a quick post, which I will hopefully expand upon later.

Yesterday was my first weigh in after my first real week following the new Weight Watchers Points Plus Plan and I was down 5.4 lbs. Yay!

AM workouts? Me? Yup, I've been doing them 3 times a week.

Stress!!! There's been a lot of it and I'm doing my best not to eat my emotions.

Running and me - we're not the best of friends right now.

It's Restaurant Week and I have plans with some friends to go tomorrow night. I need to plan out now what I'm going to order. Restaurants are difficult for me, but last nights WW meeting kind of flipped my perspective. We'll see how it works.

That's all for now - gotta get to work. Have a great day!

Reflections and Looking Forward

2010-12-31T15:10:00.000-08:00

2010 is what will be forever known to me as a year of adjustment. I moved to a new state, started a new job, made new friends, and tried to make my way in this world without my usual support system. I left my comfortable, somewhat unfulfilled life in Florida and started carving a niche here in Virginia. I am a year removed from the decision and move, and I have to say I made the right decision.

2010 contained many successes and learning opportunities (I refuse to say failures). I completed my second half marathon, braved a blizzard all on my own, traveled locally, started hiking, started working part time for a performing arts center (love!), and enjoyed my new home.

I've had my share of struggles and heartbreaks this year as well. I've learned something from each of them, and I will use that going forward to 2011.

Speaking of 2011, what does the new year bring for me? My third half marathon, the Virginia Beach Shamrock Half, is a little over 2 months away. I'm training for, and running this race solo, so the challenge is all mental at this point. The hardest part will be getting my butt out the door when the temperatures are sub-freezing. However, I'm looking forward to the race, as well as the Cherry Blossom 10 miler that follows a few weeks after.

I will be making my way to NYC in February for a 31st (!!) birthday celebration. 30 was so anti-climactic, so I thought, why not celebrate this year. I will be joined by two friends from Florida and I expect to have an excellent time.

The rest of the year is up in the air, and I think I'm okay with that. I'm slowly learning that it's okay to not have my entire life planned out to the hour. I'm working on my goals for 2011, but am having trouble coming up with meaningful, measurable ones. Reaching my goal weight is on the list, as well as the half marathon, and possibly a full (?!). But I also want to take classes - some that will help me in my career, but also some that will enrich my life, and I also want to audition for a play, finally putting the acting class I took 2 summers ago to use.

Here's to a new year and a new opportunity to become a better me. Happy New Year!

I Think I'm a Little Crazy

2010-12-14T19:05:00.000-08:00

So, I signed up for another half marathon. Yeah, I probably need to have my head looked at, but without something to train for, I feel as though my exercise just flounders.

The race: The Shamrock Half Marathon in Virginia Beach. It's in March, which means all of my training will take place in the dead of winter. Yeah, I'm pretty sure I need to have my head looked at. I am not a cold weather runner at all! There will undoubtedly be some treadmill runs, but in order to train effectively and PR, I will need to run outside.

Yeah, I want to PR, I'm not going to lie. I'm not in it this time to just cross the finish line. This will be my third half and I feel like I need to be serious about this. I might have a training and race partner, but that's still to be determined. If not, either way I'll prove to myself that I can do this.

I'm finishing up a training plan which will carry me through the end of the race and through April, when I run the Cherry Blossom 10 Miler. I was supposed to start training on Monday, but I've been sick, so I've postponed it a couple of days. I'll post the full schedule when it's completed. In the meantime, if anyone has any cold weather running tips, I'm all ears.

The New Program

2010-12-04T08:44:00.000-08:00

Today was my weekly Weight Watchers meeting, the one where they unveiled the new program and explained it all to us. I've actually been reading up on it since Monday, and for the most part, people have good things to say about it.

Up until today, I hadn't really made any judgements, wanting to save them until I had gone through the getting started meeting. I was a little dismayed that I need to start accounting for carbs and protein, in addition to fat and fiber. I've never been one to keep track of those other macronutrients - it just seemed too complicated and I could never figure out what ratios of each I should eat. I'm still a little unclear on what I should be looking for - low cabs, high protein? With calories, fat, and fiber, it was easy - low cal, low fat, high fiber was good.

I do like the emphasis on more wholesome, less processed foods. I always took issue that processed chemical laden snacks were a better choice points wise than a serving of nuts or any other whole food choice. When given the option of a 2 point banana or a 100 calorie snack pack, the latter usually wins out. But now bananas, and every other piece of fruit, are 0 points, and a much better choice for me. It's a good thing I've never had any problems getting my fruit in.

Points values for most foods went up, but our daily points target and weekly points allowance also increased. Activity is also worth more. As I recalculate the points of my favorite foods and recipes, there is a bit of a sticker shock, as most are more. I need to remind myself that yes, my daily oatmeal points have increased, but so has my daily target and it will all even out in the end. I need to forget the old points value and move forward with the new plan and points values.

I haven't posted any meal pictures in quite a while, and while I don't necessarily want to get back to doing that daily, I will probably do it periodically, so I can see what I'm eating and how the plan is working. I think it will help as I try to master the new plan.

It's time to start caring again

2010-12-03T07:01:00.000-08:00

I've been going a little bit crazy. Ever since my dad died a little over a week ago, I have been see-sawing between not caring about anything to wanting to do it all and do it perfectly. I'll be honest, it's been a difficult time. Being away from my mom, sisters, brother, and nieces, and not being able to help them has made it all the more harder.

I know what my dad would want from me, and that's to not give up. He would want me to be the healthiest and happiest I could be. So, I refuse to just roll over, throw my hands in the air, and say "I quit!" Instead, I choose to fight. I will make it, because now there's an angel watching over me.

Thankful

2010-11-24T08:10:00.000-08:00

Life is short. Live it to the fullest.

I love you Dad. Thank you for everything.

Mini Rant

2010-11-18T18:10:00.000-08:00

This is not the post I originally set out to write, so, just a warning - this is going to be a mini rant.

Why do I let what other people say and do affect the path I follow and the progress I want to make? How can I be good all week, then thrown off track in a matter of seconds?

For the past week, I have been in a good place, kept the food on track, and exercised every day. I was feeling good, confident, back to normal (whatever that is). Then, after what should have been something of little meaning, bam, the switch is off and it's all or nothing. I even told myself not to let it affect me, it wasn't worth it. I kept saying, Lynne, don't let this affect all of the good you've done this week. But the emotional eater in me reared its ugly head and I am so angry with myself.

I know getting angry will not lead to anything productive. I know the best thing is to put it behind me, begin tomorrow as if nothing happened, and continue on as I know how. It's not about being perfect, but consistent. I know all of this. But it doesn't change the fact that when something happens or when I feel emotional discomfort, my first instinct is to find something to eat. I'm not hungry, but yet I'm trying to fill up something. This is where alternative coping mechanisms would be helpful, and I need to start incorporating those. Food should not be used to fill a void, soothe, or make you feel emotionally better.

I know this is vague, but the stress has been building and I just needed to vent.

Perspective

2010-11-09T13:38:00.000-08:00

The boyfriend is now the ex-boyfriend. In between cycling from sad to mad and back to sad, I am relieved. Honestly, the last month of our relationship was less than ideal and it left me a big ball of emotional mess. At least now there is a resolution and I can move forward.

During the relationship, I lost perspective of what's important to me and the goals I want to achieve. I got so caught up in the glow of the relationship, of there being an "us" that I let everything else fall away. We ate out a lot and I did my fair share of drinking.

He knew about the weight loss and my recent struggles, and seemed to genuinely want to help in the beginning. He wanted to see me reach my goals. But after he hurt his knee and stopped running, his healthy eating habits fell off and I followed blindly. As long as he was telling me I was beautiful and he loved me, what did it matter what I was eating?

This was my first relationship since the weight loss. I learned a lot, but I think the most important thing was that there is someone out there who will love the imperfect me. He didn't care that I am not at my ideal weight or my stomach isn't flat or about any of the other imperfections. He loved me for me, and he'll probably never know what he gave me by doing that.

Now that it's over and I'm back to just me, I can begin again to focus on what's important, what makes me happy, and the goals I want to achieve. There's nothing holding me back - no more excuses. It's now or never.

So, here I am, day one, with a new outlook on going forward. I won't be stopped this time.

Again and again and again

2010-11-08T16:57:00.000-08:00

I've rejoined Weight Watchers for what seems like the upteenth time since I moved to Virginia. I can tell my heart's not in it. I get overwhelmed thinking about counting and planning and cooking, but something needs to be done. I've worked too hard to continue my slide backwards.

Lately I find myself getting discouraged easily and falling back on the "all or nothing" mentality. I think I have to be perfect in order to be successful. Realistically, I know that shouldn't be the case, and really couldn't be the case. However, I have proven to myself time and again that if I am not following a strict program, I tend to fall apart. It doesn't help that I am an emotional eater and my emotions have been all over the place for the past month and a half. Life has reared its ugly head at me and I've crumbled a bit. I know I need new coping mechanisms, but that's a whole separate post.

I wish I could reject the diet mentality, but unfortunately it's all I have known since I was 10 years old. Good vs. bad food, eat this, not that. It's such a big part of how I think everyday about food. I wish I could turn off the part of my brain that feels guilt every time I eat something I'm not supposed to. Guilt should not be associated with food, but there it is. I wish I was one of those people who could eat intuitively, but I'm just not there yet. I've never really confronted the reasons why I let my weight balloon out of control, because there has to be a reason why someone lets them self get over 300 pounds. I fear that unless I figure that part out, I'll never get off this merry-go-round.

So, I sit here, wanting desperately to get back on track. The follow through seems to be the hardest part.

Philadelphia, Part 2

2010-11-07T09:31:00.000-08:00

So, where did I last leave off? Oh yeah, I was about to run the half marathon solo.

A few weeks before the race, the boyfriend's knee started bothering him, and steadily got worse. He knew he wasn't going to be able run the race with me and we were both really disappointed. He had trained so hard and had been my main source of motivation throughout the process. I was seriously doubtful of my ability to do this on my own.

The race took place on Sunday, September 19, 2010. We left Northern Virginia Saturday morning for what I assumed would be a quick 3 hour drive to Philadelphia. Boy was I wrong. Traffic sucked beyond all belief! After a tense and stressful trip, we arrived at 4:30, a half an hour before the expo was due to close. I was beyond stressed, thinking that I was going to miss the expo, not get my packet, and thus not be able to race. Luckily, we made it to the convention center on time, but I was just a ball of nerves by then and couldn't really enjoy the expo like I had hoped.

I went to bed early and had no problems getting up when the alarm went off at 6:00 the next morning. I got dressed and got all of my gear together, and made the mile walk to the starting line. I was really nervous and having someone there watching me and cheering me on really didn't help. All of the races I've done have been mostly on my own, so having someone there was new to me. The nerves were getting to me, so I popped in the earbuds and tuned into my favorite podcast - Two Gomers run a Marathon.

Before I knew it, the race started, and we were off. I ran continuously for the first 2 miles, keeping a consistent 12 minute mile. I then realized I had 11 more to go, and should probably switch to the Galloway method that I had trained with.

Miles 2 through 9 were mainly uneventful. I loved running through the streets of Philly, seeing the different sites, and just enjoying my first race since the half marathon last year.

If you've read my previous running or race posts, you'll know that I have stomach problems when I run long distances. I think I started feeling those around mile 7, but held on until mile 9 before I knew I had to take care of it.

10 minutes later, I was on my way, but everything was starting to hurt, especially my left hip and my right foot. I amended my run walk intervals to 2 minutes of running and 2 minutes of walking. I did this from mile 9 to mile 11. By then, my foot was hurting a lot, so I dropped down to 1 minute running and 1 minute walking. I did this until mile 13, then ran the last 0.1 mile to cross the finish line.

My official finish time was 3:16:16, which honestly was a slight disappointment. I had at least wanted to match my last half marathon time. I had to give myself a pep talk, reminding myself that I had just finished running 13.1 miles and that alone was a tremendous accomplishment.

The one thing I learned from running my last half was that eating right after the race was not a good thing. I grabbed a banana , some water, and dried fruit, saving them for later when my stomach and my body were not in such a state of turmoil.

The walk back to the hotel was the longest mile I've ever done. I was hot, I was tired, my hip hurt, and I was limping because my foot hurt. Once back in the room, I collapsed on the bathroom floor. I don't know how long I lay there before I showered, but I know it felt good to not be on my feet for the first time since 6:00 that morning.

I loved Philadelphia! It reminded me a lot of New York City, which I adore and would visit every day if I could.

The day after the race, we toured the city on one of the double decker tour buses and took part in a very scientific Philly Cheese Steak experiment. It was a great way for my battered body to see the city; I don't think I could have walked a lot that day.

I look so tired in this picture!

This race reawakened something inside of me and I actually want to do another one. I loved that this was a destination race and I got to travel to somewhere I'd never been. I want that for my next race - I'm considering the Disney Princess Half, or a race on the West Coast. I haven't made any decisions yet, but for now I'm enjoying running just to run. I do plan to keep my race spirit alive by running one race a month for the next year. I've realized how good running is for me, what it's given me, and how happy it makes me. It's almost never easy for me, but it gives me such a sense of accomplishment that cannot be replaced.

Philly Half Marathon

2010-11-07T09:11:00.000-08:00

It's been nearly a month and a half since I ran the ING Rock n' Roll Half Marathon in Philadelphia, but the events of that day, and that weekend are still clearly burned in my brain.

A little history -
I registered for this half marathon thinking it would give me the extra push I needed to get back on track, keep up my running stamina, and finally reach my goal weight. Well, none of those things really happened.

My first half marathon was a year ago, and I joined a running group to train for it. This time, I had planned to train solo. As I started running again, I discovered some of my new friends also ran, and at pretty much the pace and level that I ran at. One of them even was planning on running the Virginia Beach Rock n' Roll Half. Yay, I had a potential training partner!!!

I ran a few times with her and some others, but my focus and determination just weren't there. My training fell off for most of the summer and I seriously considered bailing on the race.

Around July, another set of friends were starting up a fitness challenge, which included weekly run/walk sessions using the Galloway method. I started running weekly and the new boyfriend signed up for the race to support me. He had never been a runner before, but was more than willing to tackle this challenge.

We started training seriously for the race in the middle of what turned out to be one of the hottest summers the Washington, DC area has seen in a long time. It's like I was back in Florida. We continued using the Galloway method, running 2 minutes, then walking for a minute. We ran 3-4 times per week, with our long runs taking place on the weekends. We are blessed with awesome trails in this area, so we never lacked for a training place. We peaked at 10 miles a couple weeks before the race and felt pretty good. Or so I thought.

The boyfriend got injured. I would have to run the race solo. :(

To be continued...

The last 6 months or so...

2010-10-16T07:25:00.000-07:00

So, I haven't posted anything in the last 6 months, and a lot has happened. A lot! I'm still in Virginia, and I really love it here, even if my family is a thousand miles away and I miss them like crazy.
I've been to the beach a grand total of 2 times - I'm so disappointed in myself for that one, but it was a crazy, whirlwind summer.
My brother came to visit me from Florida.
I've fallen off the healthy wagon and am struggling to get back on.
I fell in love and got my heart broken in a span of four months.
I ran my second half marathon in Philadelphia. Dare I say I'm considering another one??
I'm thouroughly enjoying my first real fall season in 12 years. I get so excited watching the leaves change color, seeing the wide assortment of fall fruits and vegetables at the farmer's markets, and experiencing all of the events fall lends itself to. I've already been to a haunted corn maze. Today, a hot air balloon festival. Who knows what tomorrow will bring.
I plan to post more frequently, and may even expand on what's gone on in the last 6 months. I know I want to do a race recap, so be on the lookout for that.
Gotta run. The hot air balloons are waiting!

What!??

2010-05-02T16:08:00.000-07:00

Remember this post from November describing my first half marathon experience? And how I said I really wasn't planning on do another one? Well, something came over me today and I registered for the Philadelphia Rock n' Roll Half Marathon in September.

Wait, what?

I completely remember my first half marathon experience and how difficult it truly was. But, ever since then, I've wanted to redeem myself - I let my training for that race slack off near the end and I know it affected how well I did. I want to run a great 13.1 miles and know in the end I gave everything I had. I don't think I'll be able to get back to FL for that race this year, so I chose one closer to home. Plus, I've never been to Philadelphia, so what better way to see a new city than to run a race there.

But, I think there's more to it than that. Since I moved 5 months ago, I have had difficulty getting on track. A couple days on followed by a couple days off is not going to get me where I need to be. I also know that training for this will give me something to work towards, rather than running just to run.

But I think I'm going to do things differently this time. I'm not planning on joining a training group like I did last time (though I might change my mind in the next 2 weeks before the group starts). I have 4 months to get into race shape - I think that's a reasonable amount of time, and I hope to come up with a training plan I can live with. I'll probably do 2-3 runs during the week, with a long run on the weekend; however, I want to be able to fit in other fitness activities that I enjoy doing, such as yoga, Body Pump classes, and swimming. One of the biggest issues I had with last time was the amount of time I spent on running and nothing else. I'm going to strive for balance.

So, here goes nothing.

About Me

2010-04-28T18:38:00.000-07:00

I saw this on Brandi's blog and knew I wanted to answer the questions here.

Where would you be able to spend hours and be happy? The beach or walking around NYC
What’s your favorite kind of doughnut? Old Fashioned Cake Doughnut
Do you have any tattoos or piercings? 2 piercings and 1 tattoo.
What is your favorite movie? Sleeping Beauty, the Disney cartoon version
Who was the last person you spoke to on the phone? My 3 year old niece
Are you still friends with the people you knew in middle school or high school? Does Facebook count?? We kind of lost touch when I moved to FL for college
What is the last thing you ate? Graham cracker with some peanut butter
What did you want to be when you grew up? Astronaut, writer, but I've wanted to be a Marine Biologist since the 7th grade. My degree is actually in Marine Biology.
Name three things that are close to you right now: Laptop, a cup of tea, and a blanket
What was your best subject in school? Biology
What is your favorite restaurant? The Yummy House, an awesome Chinese Restaurant in Tampa
Any hidden talents? Nothing that I can think of
What is your middle name? Marie
What is your favorite website? I don't have a favorite, just a bunch that I visit daily.
How old were you when you had your first kiss? 13
Chocolate or vanilla? Chocolate
What is your favorite girl’s name? Alice
Favorite store? Grocery store - Trader Joe's; Otherwise, any book store
Would you rather be a rock star or a famous athlete? If I had to choose, rock star - I love to sing
Favorite food? Nectarine
What are you wearing right now? Sweatpants and a long sleeved shirt
What is your favorite animal? Manatees - I even "adopted" one in high school
Did you graduate from college? Yes I did - it's almost been 10 years (yikes, I'm getting old)
What does your last text message say? People are having their secret meetings. It will divide us even more,
Do you have any nicknames? My niece calls me Lynnie

I loved reading the other bloggers who answered these - it's a great way to get to know people a little more.

Movement

2010-04-12T17:57:00.000-07:00

Last week's Weight Watchers meeting was all about becoming more active - something I have been struggling with since the move. We discussed the benefits of regular exercise, as well as some of the more common excuses we give ourselves not to work out.

My new leader, who I think I'm gonna like because of her no nonsense attitude, challenged us to get moving for 6 days this week. She didn't put any other restrictions on it - for some people this could mean just 10 minutes of walking a day. Well, I took this challenge to heart, and even though the week doesn't end until Wednesday, I'm on track to meet the challenge.

This weekend was spent outside once again.

On Saturday I joined a group of people for a nearly 10 mile hike along a local trail. Being the naive hiker I am, I incorrectly assumed the hike would be mostly flat since we were still pretty close to the city. I quickly learned that I don't need to go out to the mountains to get in some good hills.

Those hills may have seen insignificant to some, but they really got my heart rate up and my muscles talking. My poor gluteus maximus - it's still sore!

I loved this trail and the wonderful scenery. Certain areas were blanketed with a ground cover of white flowers interspersed with blue bells. With it being so close to home, I will definitely hike this one again.

And I absolutely loved the river we walked along.

Welcome to another work week - is it wrong that I'm already looking forward to the weekend?

From High to Low

2010-04-07T17:27:00.000-07:00

Why is it that I am just not posting about the great weekend I had??

I spent all day Sunday with a smile on my face, playing tourist in DC.

It was full of beautiful spring flowers -

Blue Skies and Cool Buildings -

The Capital-

and the Washington Monument -

So what, you ask, does any of this have to do with weight loss or healthy living. Well, besides the fact that I walked a lot that day, not a whole lot. Except, I think I'm trying to distract from the fact that after that perfect weekend, things pretty much fell apart. So much so that I went back to a Weight Watcher's meeting tonight. I had had enough - I told myself if things started getting out of control that I would go back, and I did tonight before I had a chance to talk myself out of it.

I can't explain what happened, and I don't know that I want to over analyze the whys. I just know that I am working to get back on track for the upteenth time. I'm getting really tired of starting over.

So, enjoy the pretty pictures and have a great rest of the week. I'm looking forward to another great weekend spent outside.

The List Version

2010-03-29T17:03:00.000-07:00

I just have a bunch of random bits I wanted to share-

I broke down and bought a pair of jeans that fit. It's something I didn't want to do, but wearing clothes everyday that don't fit has done a number on my self-image. As in, it's pretty much been the lowest of lows.
However, I rocked those jeans with heels today at work. I really have no sense of style and am envious of those that do, so I took the plunge and paired the 2. Between a pair of pants that fit, and the heels, I felt pretty good today. It's amazing how clothes can affect how you feel about yourself.
They reglazed the bathtub in my apartment today. I didn't even know bathtubs could be reglazed. Anyway, I came home tonight to glaze fumes. I currently have all windows open even though it's 50 degrees outside.
I'm watching 10 Things I Hate About You on ABC Family. Yes, I am 30 years old, but there are some "younger" shows I'll watch. Though I pretty much hate everything on MTV and VH1.
I saw Warren Brown talk last night. He's the owner of Cake Love here in the DC area and the former host of Sugar Rush, a show that used to be on Food Network. He has a new book coming out, The United Cakes of America, which he signed last night. He talked for an hour about his path to owning the bakeries; it was great to listen to and his message of following your passion really resonated with everyone there.
I was a total slacker last week and only made it to the gym once. There was no real reason for me not to go, other than the fact that I really didn't want to. In response, the scale has not moved in the past week.
I did make it to the gym today, for what I'm hoping will be a great, exercise filled week.
I have baked goods and other "trigger foods" in the house, and am proud to report that I have been successful in controlling myself. This is huge for me, as is the fact that I have not gone off plan since I got back from Florida in February. Major accomplishment!
I joined a kickball team. We start playing at the end of April. Yes, I'm in elementary school again.

Okay, I think that's all I've got. Have a great week!

Spring has Sprung

2010-03-21T13:00:00.000-07:00

What a great weekend! The weather was absolutely wonderful - spring has arrived.

Saturday started off bright and early with a Body Pump class at the gym. This was the 3rd time I've taken the class, and it's a good workout. I always feel it the next day.

I spent the rest of the day at a local lake.

I ended up walking around the entire lake, which was about 4.5 miles. It wasn't anything strenuous, just a leisurely stroll, taking in the sights, and taking some pictures. Afterwards, I got my beach chair out of the car (I miss the beach), found an open patch of grass, and set up a little picnic. The weather was perfect, and it was great to sit outside, eat, and read.

Today I made my way into D.C. to visit the farmers market at Dupont Circle. Even though it's not really fruit and veggie season yet, I wanted to go visit this year round market. I did end up with apples and local honey.

I spent some time walking around, taking in the area, and wishing I had an unlimited supply of $$$ so I could live in places like these.

I grew up in a 100 year old house and I automatically gravitate towards historic structures. They just have so much character.

My next couple of weekends are filled with plans to explore the parts of the area I have never seen, and to spend as much time outside as possible.

Back on the Trail

2010-03-18T17:26:00.000-07:00

It was an absolutely perfect day today! With a perfectly blue sky and temperatures hovering around 70, I knew it was time to attempt to start running again. Right outside of my gym runs the W&OD Trail - I did about 2.5 miles on the trail this afternoon, with 5 minutes running and 2 walking. And since I was already at the gym, I decided to stay for an hour long strength training class. I don't think I'll do that again any time soon - it was probably too much, as I started to get nauseous and wasn't really doing the class to the best of my ability. It didn't help that the instructor killed us with lunges and squats.

4 months ago, I ran a half marathon. Today was the first day I've run since then, and there's no doubt that I lost a lot of the endurance I had built up. I knew when I went out today it would be a struggle, that I wouldn't bounce back to where I had been right away. But, I am willing to work to get back the endurance I had. That's actually one of my goals - to get back to the fitness level I had when I ran that race. At least I'm not starting from the absolute beginning.

Speaking of half marathons, dare I say I am thinking about training for another one??? There is a training program similar to the one I was doing in Florida and I am considering signing up for it. Am I crazy?? My experience with the race in November was not ideal, and afterwards I all but swore off long distance races. I walked away disappointed in my performance and I almost want to redeem myself, to prove to myself that I can run the whole thing. I haven't made any decisions yet, as the program doesn't start until the end of next month, but it would be a great way to meet people and get back into running.

So far this week, I've followed my plan as written, which did include the dreaded class tonight. I've already reached my weekly activity points goal, so I'll probably up that next week, and food has been eaten as planned. It's been 3 1/2 weeks since I regained my healthy lifestyle, and every day has been an on plan day. Things appear to be back under control, and that's a great feeling.

The Next 4 Weeks

2010-03-15T16:25:00.000-07:00

Daylight savings time always screws me up - not only did I lose an hour yesterday, but now it's dark again when I wake up. That's my biggest beef with turning the clocks ahead; I absolutely hate waking up when it's still dark. When it's dark, it means I'm supposed to be sleeping.

Today was the last day of my 3 week challenge for myself. It was really a means for me to get back on track and re institute my healthy habits. I didn't set any specific weight goals, but was happy with the weight and inched I lost. That's good, because I really need to start fitting back into my clothes. I also set an exercise goal - 720 minutes for the 3 weeks - which I fell short of. I ended up exercising for 580 minutes, which is great, considering it's like pulling teeth to get me to the gym. I love the idea of exercise and how it makes me feel, but sometimes that's just not enough to get me to the gym.

Most importantly, the past 3 weeks showed me that I can maintain healthy habits without any kind of outside accountability. I wasn't weighing in for anyone but myself - I have a goal that I am working towards, and that is my motivation.

So, I'm gonna kick it up a little and set a plan for myself for the next 4 weeks. It's nothing too complicated, but rather a continuation of what I've been doing.

Even though I am no longer attending meetings, I am still following the Weight Watchers plan. I will eat within my points allowance, follow the healthy guidelines, and not be afraid to eat my weekly points and/or activity points.
I have started scheduling exercise in my daily planner, and my goal is to stick to that schedule. If I pencil it in, I better do it!
1000 minutes of exercise over the next 4 weeks. This is ambitious, but if I actually do the exercise I have planned, then this will be no problem.
Run a 5K - it seems race season is gearing up here, so I have my pick of races to choose from. I have a few in mind, but need to actually register.

I think this is a doable plan and should be easy to follow. I'm not asking anything of myself that cannot be attained, but rather setting in motion a path towards a healthy life.

Long Time, No Blog

2010-03-14T08:20:00.000-07:00

Wow, it's been over a month since I've posted a blog - sorry! I lost my blogging mojo there for a while, and apparently my marbles too, as the month of February was quite unlike anything I've experienced. Here's the high and low lites -

I turned 30! It was a very anti-climactic birthday, and I don't look or feel 30. When you're younger (or at least when I was), you have this picture of how your life is going to be when you get older - graduate college, get married, have kids, buy a house. Well, the only thing I've got out of that list is the college degree. But I'm okay with that. I like where my life is at the moment, and am excited to experience what the future holds for me.
Snowmageddon (or snowpocalypse, or SnOMG) - yeah, that sucked.
I went to FL to visit family. It was so good to escape for a few days and see my family. Homesickness really hit hard in February, and the trip to FL was exactly what I needed. I still miss everyone, especially my nieces. They're at an age where they change so much everyday, and it's a little sad that I'm going to miss a lot.
I ate, and ate, and ate, and then ate some more. And I gained. It was bad, and I could easily come up with some lame excuse about being snowed in for a week, missing my family, blah, blah. But, in all reality, I knew exactly what I was doing when I shoved all of that food into my mouth.
On the positive side, I mapped out a 3 week plan for myself when I got back from Florida, which ends tomorrow. I told myself I could do anything for 3 weeks, and as of right now, I have to say I was successful. It was a really simple, get back in the groove plan, and all I really had to do was eat right and exercise. What a novel idea! I am proud to say that I have maintained my healthy eating for the past 3 weeks, with nary a thought of going overboard, classes at the gym have become my friend, and I have lost weight. I plan to continue this, with a new 4 week plan starting on Tuesday. I'm still working out the details in my head, but it's basically gonna be like the last 3 weeks.
I cancelled my Weight Watchers Monthly Pass and have stopped attending meetings. This was a big decision for me, and one that I went back and forth on for quite a while. Between the move and the snowstorms, I had attended 2 meetings in the past 3 months, and after 2 years of meetings, I have all of the information I need to succeed and finally reach my goal. I've written before about my issues with meetings, and find that not attending them has, well, freed me, for lack of a better term. I'm still following the program, but I'm not hyper focused on that one day a week where I weigh in. I've proven to myself in the past 3 weeks that I can succeed without the accountability of a weekly weigh in.

I don't think I am going to continue to post my daily eats anymore. There are other bloggers out there who do it so much better than I ever could. Also, my meals tend to be a little boring, with lots of leftovers throughout the week. That's not to say there will never be another food picture on the blog, but don't expect daily oatmeal pictures anymore. :)

In the coming days, along with my 4 week plan, I want to schedule some races, so I'll probably tie the two together. The weather has turned here and it's getting nice, so I can start running outside. Time to conquer those hills! I've noticed this is a very active area - everyday I see people running and cycling - and there are a lot of awesome parks and trails. I can't wait to get outside and explore.

Snow Day

2010-01-30T15:49:00.000-08:00

So, yeah, we got some snow today.

Luckily, it didn't start snowing until about mid morning as I was driving home from my Weight Watcher's meeting. My weigh in wasn't as bad as I expected - I gained a little under 2 pounds since before Christmas. Considering the pure amount of crap I ate for a month, I think I got off pretty easy. Next weekend, I fully expect to see a loss.

Driving in the snow is something I still haven't gotten used to. It scares me and I tend to go very slowly. I've been watching people come and go from the parking lot today - 1. why are they going anywhere, and 2. why are they going so fast?

To make matters worse, I realized a little too late that I don't own a shovel. D'oh! Guess who was out there "shoveling" with a Rubbermaid container. Of course I waited until it got dark to do this. Yes, I'm a doofus, and I fully own up to it!

I ate breakfast in stages today. I had a banana after my meeting and a Berry Bran muffin when I got home.

The nutritionals for this are actually pretty good, so I didn't feel bad about having the whole thing.

After some cleaning and internet-ing, lunch was made. I really didn't know what I wanted to eat and probably took a good 10 minutes looking around my small kitchen for inspiration.

What I came up with wasn't original, but it was good - a chickpea/tuna/veggie salad with Kashi crackers.

With 2 clementines and coffee - I was cold!

Dinner was courtesy of the crock pot tonight -

This was pretty much an open the can and dump it in recipe.

4 - 4oz chicken breast
1 can of corn, juice and all
1 can of black beans, rinsed and drained
1 jar of salsa
Seasonings: Adobo, cumin, chili powder

Place the chicken in the bottom of the crock pot. Sprinkle with spices (I didn't measure these out), and add the corn, black beans, and salsa. Cook on low for about 7 hours and enjoy!

It ended up being a little more liquidy than I would have liked, but overall, not bad. I seved it over some rice and had a nice salad on the side.

So, needless today, it was a lazy, stay in my sweatpants kinda day. I did make a batch of steel cut oats for breakfast next week. I also did a lot of reading - I need to finish my book club book by next weekend and I'm really behind. I think I'm gonna go read some more before I pop in a DVD. Have a great night!

Brr...

2010-01-29T17:32:00.000-08:00

It was so cold today! Tomorrow promises to be even colder, with snow in the forecast. I hope it at least holds off until later in the morning so I can attend my Weight Watcher's meeting. It will be the first once since before Christmas, and my first in Virginia. I hope I mesh with the staff and members, because that's a lot of what those meetings are about for me. I've heard every meeting subject at least twice, so it's really not about learning anymore. I kept going back because I wanted to reach goal, for the accountability, and for the friends I found there.

I was so glad to wake up to Friday! It's been a busy week at work, and next week promises to be even busier, so I want to enjoy this weekend as much as possible.

I started this Friday with a great bowl of oats and oat bran.

With peanut butter and blackberries-

I worked as I ate my lunch today and once again forgot to take any pictures. I had the last of my leftover Chicken Surprise, a pear, and a clementine.

The one good thing about being busy is the lack of time to think about other things but work. This morning went by with nary a thought of food until my stomach growled for lunch. This never happens, as I'm usually watching the clock.

I ran some errands after work, including a trip to the grocery store, then came home to make dinner. To me, the only appropriate meal for a cold day like today is soup.

I didn't have anything homemade, so I opened a box of V8 tomato soup. What I really wanted was some chili, but that would have taken too long to make and I was hungry! I also grilled up a veggie sandwich - a leftover veggie burger, baby spinach, carrots, onions, mushrooms, and a wedge of Laughing Cow cheese between two slices of whole wheat bread.

Very simple, very fast, and very good.

I have the first DVD of season 3 of Big Love to watch tonight - I'll probably fall asleep before 11, but it's going to be a relaxing night.

Yummy, yummy

2010-01-28T16:40:00.000-08:00

This is going to be a quick post - I mainly just wanted to share what I thought was an awesome dinner tonight.

But, first things first - breakfast!

I filled my bowl with a serving each of Peanut Butter Panda Puffs and Special K Blueberry, a small banana, and blackberries.

I love cereal!

No pictures of lunch because I totally forgot to take them! I had leftover chicken surprise, a pear, and 2 clementines.

Dinner tonight was something I've never made before, but I have leftover pizza dough and knew I wanted to do something with it.

I made my first ever calzone.

I portioned out the pizza dough, spread it out to the best of my ability (my best needs work), and filled it with pizza sauce, ham, sliced mushrooms, and mozzarella.

Not quite the perfect shape, but who cares?

I loved it! I will be making this again and am already thinking of new combinations. I still have some pizza dough left, which I put in the freezer for later use. I think you can freeze pizza dough, right? Oh well, I'll find out.

Have a great night! Tomorrow's Friday!

2010-01-27T16:56:00.000-08:00

Thank goodness for Wednesdays! It's now the back half of the week and the weekend is within sight. I've got some boring adult chores that need to be done this weekend, but I'm hoping to fit in 1 or 2 fun activities. At the very least, I want to explore the area a little more. There may even be some snow Saturday?

When I first posted about eating oat bran, Emily left me a great suggestion - combine the oat bran with oatmeal. I thought this was a brilliant idea, because, while I like the taste and filling qualities of the oat bran, the texture didn't thrill me. I finally tried it this morning.

I ate this with the usual tablespoon of peanut butter and blackberries. Very good and something I will make again.

My new job is much more of a desk job than any I've had before. For 8 hours a day (sometimes more), I'm sitting at my desk staring at the computer. And my posture is really atrocious - anything from slouching to sitting on my feet to propping my feet up against the computer or wall. It's awful. I really need to get in the habit of taking small breaks to stretch and move a little. Last year, Rose hosted a Move More challenge, which I participated in. I might have to start challenging myself to 15 minutes away from my desk a day. And no more slouching!

Lunch was an easy throw together meal - 2 Clementines, more Chobani, which is on sale yet again this week so I may stock up, and a chickpea salad. The salad consisted of a serving of chickpeas, corn, radishes, red onion, cucumber, carrots, salsa, and some Adobo seasoning,

I had leftovers for dinner; it was an exact repeat of Monday's meal.

A salad and Green Lite Bites chicken surprise.

Time to go relax and unwind. Have a great night!

3rd Day Back on Track

2010-01-26T15:55:00.000-08:00

Happy Tuesday!

Surprisingly, I did not start my morning off with a bowl of oats. Instead, I was inspired by various blogs to make a breakfast sandwich.

In between the english muffin I had some Egg Beaters and a Morningstar sausage patty. It was a pretty good little sandwich - a lot better for me and just as good as anything I could have bought on the way to work. Here's a little secret - when I was at my heaviest, I used to get a lot of fast food breakfasts on the way to work. Explains a lot. I don't miss it at all, though, because I really enjoy the process of waking up and eating breakfast at home before work.

Breakfast left me satisfied for most of the morning, and before I knew it, it was lunchtime.

A ginormous salad topped with a leftover veggie burger, my last nectarine, and the new Raspberry flavored Chobani.

Another winner - without a doubt, Pomegranate and Raspberry are my top 2 favorite flavors.

Work was a beast today and for the entire drive home, I kept thinking about how badly I wanted ice cream and Five Guy's french fries. I know it was just the stress from work talking, but it's amazing how fast my thoughts can turn. The conversation in my head went something like this - Ooh, I want some ice cream. French fries from Five Guys would be great, with lots of BBQ sauce. Wait, I think I want pancakes with butter and syrup. It's really bad, but luckily I had a great dinner planned with no excuse to indulge on any of the above.

I made a single serving pizza-

Whole wheat pizza crust
Ranch dressing as my sauce
corn, mushrooms, and red onion
a little bit of chicken
and Mozzarella, of course

I was super excited to use real pizza dough as opposed to something else. It wasn't anything special, just something I picked up at the grocery store, but it was nice not to have a substitute.

I also had some green beans to balance it out. I think I did pretty good in the vegetable department today - the salad at lunch helped a lot.

The Biggest Loser is on tonight, so hopefully I can stay awake through the end. No DVR though, so I can't skip the commercials. :(

Monday Routine

2010-01-25T15:29:00.000-08:00

I don't know about all of you, but my weekend went by way too fast. I really didn't want it to be Monday and I really didn't want to go to work. But, I'm in this whole 'getting back into my routine' thing and I guess that includes going to work. On the plus side, because my new apartment is sooooo much closer to work, I got to sleep an extra hour this morning. Score!

Breakfast this morning was old faithful - a bowl of banana oats topped with some peanut butter and blackberries.

I've actually been craving strawberries, but I'm waiting for those suckers to go on sale at the grocery store.

For lunch this afternoon, I had a leftover veggie burger on a sandwich thin, 2 tiny clementines, and my very first Strawberry Banana Chobani. I could have done without the sandwich and just eaten the yogurt - it was good, but I'm not sure yet if it will overtake Pomegranate as my favorite.

Also, this was my first time trying Clementines - to me they were mini versions of seedless tangerines. 2 thumbs up for not having to spit out seeds!

After work, I made it to the gym for the first time in almost 2 months. It felt so good to be active again. I did 30 minutes on the elliptical and then took a Pilates class, which I will definitely feel tomorrow. I'm weird but I love the soreness I feel after a great workout - it lets me know I've actually done something.

I came home and made a quick, easy dinner I've had many times before - Chicken Surprise courtesy of GreenLiteBites, paired with a simple salad.

The dishes are done, lunch for tomorrow is made, and everything is put away. Time to kick back, relax, and enjoy the rest of the night!

And we're back!

2010-01-24T16:24:00.000-08:00

Yesterday was moving day and today I am all settled in my new apartment. Finally being alone with nothing more than my thoughts, the enormity of the decision I made to move up here from Florida finally hit me. I was definitely missing my family today, but I have a long weekend trip planned to see them next month.

I went on a huge grocery shopping trip yesterday and stocked the kitchen with Lynne friendly food. I am preparing myself for success as I work to get back on track and lose the rest of the weight. I also joined the YMCA and really look forward to working out again. I have created an ambitious exercise plan for this week that I determined to stick to!

I need to take charge of my life again - I let the move knock me off my game when it really shouldn't have. I'll admit I was self conscious about staying with my aunt and uncle and eating what I would normally eat at home. How do you explain spinach smoothies and flax seed? My aunt cooked dinner almost every night and I did feel obligated to eat it, even when it was something I knew wasn't points friendly. But lesson learned and I am just moving forward the best I can. I am determined to reach goal - I refuse to become one of those people who gain their weight back. I was miserable at 300 pounds - why in the world would I do that to myself again?

Okay, now that I got all of that off my chest, here's what I ate today.

Green smoothie and a veggie egg beater scramble-

I missed green smoothies!

For lunch, I had a nectarine, sweet potato topped with some ketchup, and a veggie burger on a sandwich thin.

The veggie burger was made from an oat mix I bought at the Farmer's Market before I left Florida. It was very tasty, but the texture didn't thrill me, and I probably could have cooked it longer to fix that.

Dinner included a salad and some pasta with sauteed garlic, mushrooms, onion, and Trader Joe's seafood sausage.

Very interesting and very good. I am enjoying living so close to a Trader Joe's - they have so many interesting products, a lot of which are points friendly.

The work week begins again tomorrow - I anticipate being super busy this week and next, but that's fine with me because it makes the day go by so much faster.

A new breakfast, but not really

2010-01-15T02:43:00.000-08:00

I used the last of my oats yesterday. And as you all know, I pretty much eat oatmeal everyday during the work week. I even went to the grocery store last night after work to get bananas, but since I went without a list, I forgot to pick up oatmeal.

So, I tried the Oat Bran that I have had, unopened, for months and months.

I fixed it as I would any other bowl of oatmeal:

1/2 c oat bran
1 c water
1 banana
1 tsp brown sugar and vanilla
1 tbsp flax seed
1 tbsp peanut butter

It's a little boring today as I didn't doctor my bowl up as I usually would. I wanted to try the oat bran with as little taste distractions as possible in order to determine it's viability for future breakfasts.

Verdict? The oat bran is going to be placed in breakfast rotation. It was good, tasted similar to my normal oatmeal, with the only real difference being the texture. The possibilities of what you can do with a bowl of oat bran are endless.

Getting back to normal

2010-01-10T17:22:00.000-08:00

Great news - I finally found an apartment and can move in in 2 weeks. Maybe then my life will get back some form of normalcy. Since the move up here from Florida a month and a half ago, I have been living with my extremely generous aunt and uncle. But, it's past time for me to be back on my own, regain some kind of routine, get my eating under control, start exercising again, and start blogging again. I also need to start getting out, socializing, making friends, and rediscovering all of the fun that this area has to offer.
Living with others for the first time in over 10 years has been a challenge. I'm not so set in my ways that it has been hard, but the most stressful part for me has been the food. There is stuff here that I would never bring into my house and it has been a constant struggle to stay out of the pantry. And let me just say, the pantry is winning. It makes me realize how I need to work more on my self control. Things are great when I can control what is brought into the house, my environment, but when I don't buy the groceries, it appears as though things have fallen apart a little. Some days are good, but it seems as though the bad days outnumber the good. I am determined to rebound from this little setback, and if nothing else, I can view it as a learning experience. Besides, my clothes are starting to get a little snug, and I REFUSE to buy a bigger size.
So, look forward to a return to regular blogging and participation in the blogging community. I really can't wait until things get back to normal.

A new start for the new year

2010-01-02T12:38:00.000-08:00

It is freezing here today! I am currently sitting here, looking outside at a deceptively beautiful sunny day, listening to the wind howl. I have not felt wind chills like these for a long time and I'm seriously contemplating some hot chocolate.

I finally have a food related post for you all to read!

This morning started off with a bowl of stovetop oats and coffee-

For the past 3 weeks or so, I have been doing oats in the microwave. While that's okay in a pinch, this morning's breakfast made me realize how much better stovetop oatmeal is.

I topped the oats with the usual - White Chocolate Wonderful Peanut Butter (aka crack) and Trader Joe's Cranberry Apple Butter. That's right, folks - I now live near a Trader Joe's! Happy dance! Now I just need to discover all of the wonderfulness that store has to offer. I'm open to product suggestions!

After running some errands a just killing time, I came back home and fixed an 'Everything but the Kitchen Sink' salad.

This one included romaine lettuce, carrots, red onion, cucumbers, radish, and a mixture of black beans, corn, and salsa. The pictures do not adequately display the ginormitude of this salad.

With a red pear and some Kashi crackers on the side.

I have nothing planned for the rest of the day - it's turning out to be such a lazy Saturday, which is the best kind.

Oh, and I totally went for the hot chocolate.

2010

2010-01-01T18:18:00.000-08:00

Happy New Year!!!!

(regular posting to resume soon, I promise)

My year in review

2009-12-27T13:19:00.000-08:00

As 2009 comes to a close, I find myself reflecting on the past 12 months. Last New Year's Eve, I wrote out a list of goals. It's weird looking back over them and seeing what was important last year. Well, how did I do? Which goals did I meet?

1. Reach my weight goal.

I did not meet this goal, but not because I didn't try. Who knew that after reaching 100 pounds of weight loss, that my body would put a screeching halt to my efforts. I have lost an additional 35 pounds this year, bringing my grand total to 135 pounds lost. That's nothing to scoff at. Maybe 2010 will be the year

2. Run the Disney Princess 5k and Turkey Trot 10k.

I didn't run these specific races, but I did complete a number of 5ks, improving upon my time in each, and I did the 10k Race for the Cure in October.

3. Do something totally outside of my comfort zone.

Done! I took an acting class over the summer, which was the last thing I would have done even 2 years ago. It was so much fun, and something I would like to continue doing.

4. Blog regularly and open up the blog to the public.

Well, if you are reading this now, then I've succeeded. Posting this last month or so has been sporadic at best, but once my life settles down and I finally find somewhere to live, then I will get back to a more consistent schedule.

5. Exercise 4-5 x per week

I would say I was halfway successful with this one. It seemed as though I went through exercise phases where I would go to the gym everyday, then there were weeks when I would barely go at all. This one is still going to be a work in progress.

6. Move.

I waited until the end of the year, but this goal was met. I wasn't really, really sure I wanted this, especially because it meant leaving most of my family in Florida. But, 20 years down the line, I didn't want to regret not trying to do this. And, at almost 30 years old, I knew I needed to start living my life for me and not how other people wanted me to. I do miss my family, though.

7. I will not spend next year's holidays, especially NYE, alone.

This one still remains to be seen, but this might be a fail, only because of the relocation.

When it's all said and done, I think I had a pretty good year. 2009 was the year I:

took my first spin class
ran a half marathon!
welcomed my niece Alexis to the family
Joined a running group
Drank a spinach smoothie, which I need to do more of

I looking forward to what 2010 will bring me. I'm already working on a list of goals for next year.

'Tis the season

2009-12-25T05:36:00.000-08:00

I wanted to wish everyone a very Merry Christmas! I hope you all are enjoying the day and that Santa brought you everything you wanted.

Adventures in Baking

2009-12-20T06:27:00.000-08:00

Happy Sunday from Winter Wonderland!

The sun is shining again and everything is still so white and pristine and so pretty. I will be venturing out in a little while for some fun and photography.

I spent a majority of yesterday baking cookies with my aunt. Nothing we made could be categorized as healthy - think sticks of butter and cups of sugar - but I'm not fretting. The afternoon reminded me if when I was a child and my mom would do her baking for the holidays. Warm and fuzzies!

I started off by making fudge - however, I used a different fluff brand that had a different recipe on the back than what I'm used to, so it didn't quite turn out like I expected. Still good , though.

Pecan snowballs-

I love these cookies but I've never actually made them myself. So yummy!

Chili-Chocolate Crinkle Cookies -

These cookies included chili powder and cayenne pepper in the ingredient list. Very interesting, but not really my thing. My aunt loved them, though.

Chocolate chip cookie recipe with mini M&Ms-

Chocolate chip cookies-

Tower o' cookies-

We made such a mess in the kitchen!

Side note - I love my aunt's Kitchenaid mixer - wish I could justify the expense for just me.

I'm not sure if there will be more baking today. I know my aunt had some cookie bar recipes she wanted to try, but honestly, I'm all baked out. I may help her if she wants, but I've got some other things I'd like to do today.

Snow!!!

2009-12-19T07:12:00.000-08:00

We knew it was coming and would be a doozy of a storm, but when I woke up this morning, I was greeted by pristine white.

There's probably a good 6-8 inches on the ground already, with the forecast of another 8-10 at least. This kind of snowstorm is very rare for the area, but right now it's quite enjoyable and soothing. But that's only because I don't have to be out anywhere (not that I could even get the car out of the driveway).

It's only 10:30 am and I've already been outside. I really need to buy some snow appropriate shoes - my tennis shoes didn't last long and they're now sitting by the fire drying out.

So, how does a Floridian dress to go shovel snow?

3 pairs of socks, 2 pairs of pants (tucked into said socks - I looked awesome), a shirt, fleece pullover, sweatshirt hoodie, my coat, a scarf, and some gloves.

Flamingos in the snow!

Not much of a plan for today, though Christmas cookie baking and Gingerbread house construction is on the agenda. I also want to go back outside and see if I can make a snowman. Probably not, but I'll try.

Facing the music

2009-12-12T08:50:00.000-08:00

Saturday mornings = Weight Watchers meeting!

I went to a new meeting this morning and came face to face with 2 weeks of eating whatever I wanted. Needless to say, I knew I was going to be up, but now I am starting fresh and with new resolve and motivation.

I'm not sure how I feel about the meeting I attended this morning - there was a mix of people there, but the leader or the receptionists didn't pop out to me as someone I could form a relationship with. I don't know, maybe I just got extremely lucky and spoiled with my meeting in Florida. I'll give it another try next weekend and see if I get a different vibe.

I did a 20 minute yoga download when I got home - I really need more yoga in my life. It felt so good to move after being such a lazy bum for the last 2 weeks.

So, this next week will be dedicated to moving more and eating less. Simple, right. It should be.

A new beginning

2009-12-08T16:34:00.000-08:00

It's been 5 days since I left Florida. I didn't cry when I said goodbye to my family even though I feared I would, especially when my niece said she didn't want me to go. That 2 1/2 year old really knows how to tug at my heart. I miss her already!

The drive was boring and uneventful until it started snowing about an hour away from my destination. I thought it was very appropriate, considering my affinity for winter. Call me crazy, but after 12 years in Florida, I am ready for a proper winter. I was so excited when I saw the snow, but then I realized my car is not exactly winterized. I may need to look into some new tires.

It's weird knowing I'm here for good and not just a long weekend visit. I really need to get back into a routine, but I hope that will come once I start my new job next week. I thrive on structure and flitting the day away does not work for me.

I really need to recommit to an exercise routine. I'm not sure what kind of outdoor running I'm going to be able to do - my body is not used to the cold weather here yet and it still hurts to breathe when I first start running. That's something I may have to work up to, but first I need to get some appropriate clothes. Shorts and tank tops are not going to work. I was hoping to avoid a gym membership, but I know myself, and honestly, the only way I'll work out is at the gym. I wish I was more motivated to do home workouts, but I either get distracted or just quit. There are some running groups I would like to check out, but maybe when it warms up a little.

Routine means getting back on track with my eating, which has been atrocious since Friday. I am determined to get everything under control and finally reach my weight goal. 2010 will be my year! I plan on going to a Weight Watchers meeting Saturday; hopefully I can find a meeting that was as great as the one I left.

I'm ready for my new life to begin, speed bumps and all.

A week of lasts

2009-11-30T17:26:00.001-08:00

Today was my last day of work. Wow! It's starting to sink in that this move is really happening, but I don't think it will really sink in until I start driving on Friday and actually leave the state.

I have been such the slacker since the half marathon - little exercise has occurred and my food has been all over the place. I'm trying to get rid of all of the perishables, so that means some really random meals. I'm going to try and get some runs in this week before the move - I have plans of doing a 10K in DC in a couple weeks.

That's all of the random updates I have for now. I am almost done packing and now need to start cleaning. Ah, the joys of moving.

2009-11-27T12:46:00.000-08:00

Happy Day after Thanksgiving! I trust everyone had a wonderful day and ate lots of yummy food. I certainly did.

I spent Thanksgiving Day at my dad's house, joined by my brother and brother in law. My mom, sisters, and nieces are in Arizona until tomorrow, so we unfortunately didn't get to spend the holiday together. I was bummed because I am moving to Virginia in a week (!!!!!!!!) and won't be back for Christmas. For me, the holidays are all about family, and they are the rare days during the year when we are all together.

It's a good thing my dad did the turkey and stuffing and my brother watches a lot of Good Eats, because I was pretty much useless in the kitchen. Every Thanksgiving for at least the last 10 years, I've been in charge of desserts. This usually includes Pumpkin Pie, a chocolate chip pie, and a fruits salad made with whipped cream, cream cheese, sugar, and fruit. Desserts are good because there's usually a recipe and I can totally follow recipes. My mom always does everything else - the mashed potatoes, sweet potato casserole, green bean casserole, and the gravy. I think everything ended up really good, though, even though we were worried about making it taste the same as when my mom cooks. My brother did an excellent job with the gravy, even though he did wing it, and he made an amazing green bean casserole. I don't know if he saw it on Good Eats or on the Food Network website, but thank you Alton Brown, because this was really good.

I slept in this morning until 8:00 - don't know the last time that happened. I had plans of going to a farmer's market I rarely get to go to because I am usually at work, but I blew that off to go SHOPPING! That's right, I am one of those crazies who hits the stores on Black Friday, Now granted, I am not a 3:30 in the morning, let's wait all night in line kinda person, but I do like to get in some shopping after Thanksgiving.

I have been in search of cold weather clothing, and since my current wardrobe includes none of that, and I headed to the mall. Score! I got some cute sweaters, long sleeved shirts, and a pair of pants. Now the only thing I really need are some new shoes. I'm not going to be able to walk around in flip flops all winter.

I'm really excited because tonight I'm seeing the brand new musical Wonderland at the performing arts center. It's a modern tale of Alice in Wonderland and has a lot of top people from Broadway attached to it. Should be a fun night at the theatre!

It's Thanksgiving!

2009-11-26T09:04:00.000-08:00

I wanted to wish everyone a very Happy Thanksgiving!

After walking the Turkey Trot 5K with a group of friends from my Weight Watcher's meeting, I plan on spending the rest of the day with my family, cooking, laughing, and enjoying the day.

I am very thankful for my wonderfully supportive and loving family, my great friends, my health, and the new adventure I will be undertaking soon. This year I have wanted for nothing, and for that I am also thankful.

Have a wonderful Thanksgiving!

Half Recap

2009-11-22T17:52:00.000-08:00

I successfully completed my very first half marathon this morning. I can honestly say that this was one of the hardest things I've ever done in my life.

Am I glad I did it? Absolutely!

Will I do another one? Not anytime soon!

It was such a beautiful day today, perfect Florida running weather with a great breeze that really helped toward the end of the race. The race benefited the Leukemia and Lymphoma society, so there were a ton of Team in Training groups there, and it was really inspirational to read all of the posters along the race course and the different t-shirts.

The starting line was a little crazy. Even though there were pace time designations at the start, the space between them was small and we were all kind of crammed together. It probably took me 3 or 4 minutes to cross the starting line and start running. I was with a few of the women from my training group and the first half of the course followed a lot of our training runs. We circled the Pier, ran through a really swanky neighborhood, and finished out through downtown St. Petersburg. The highlight of the race came at mile 11 when we ran around the field at Tropicana Field, home to the Tampa Bay Rays baseball team. I thought that was really awesome.

I started off strong and felt pretty good. When I woke up this morning, my stomach didn't feel the greatest, and that worried me. I've had stomach issues before on long runs and I was really hoping to avoid any of that today. Luckily, by the time I got there and the race started, I was okay.

Then, before I even hit the first mile, the horror of all horrors occurred - the iPod died. Or, more specifically, the headphones died. I wasn't necessarily mad about that, just wondering how in the world I was going to entertain myself for the next 2 1/2 hours. I just eavesdropped on other people's conversations and listened to those cheering around me. Running without music wasn't as bad as I feared.

I ended up losing most of my group by mile 4 - they are just too fast for me - and did the rest of the race solo. Honestly, it sucked a little, but it really showed me what I could do by myself.

Mile 9 was when I hit my wall. Everything started to hurt - my hips and feet especially. This was when I started doing a run/walk combination. I would walk for a minute, run 9-10 minutes. I did this until I got out of the baseball stadium, then the run intervals were getting shorter and the walking intervals increased. I was so done at this point, but with only a mile left, I knew I was almost there.

I ran across the finish line, finishing as strong as I could at that point. According to my heart rate monitor, my final time was 2:53:29. This is slower than a lot of people out there, but as I struggled towards the latter half of the race, I knew I just wanted to finish under 3 hours. I had no time goal going into the race, just a goal of finishing. It's pretty amazing that I even did this at all.

I learned a few things today-

1. I don't think I'm a long distance runner. Not now anyway. I'm good with 5Ks and 10Ks, but struggle with runs that last over an hour.

2. Scarfing down a banana after the race was not a good idea. At all.

3. It's amazing what you can accomplish when you really want something. I am amazed at what I am capable of doing.

Running a race of this magnitude was never on my radar - I never thought in my life I would be in this kind of physical condition. I have a profound respect for all those out there who have accomplished this, will accomplish this, and are working towards it. And don't even get me started on people who run whole marathons - that's just amazing.

It was an experience I'll never forget.

Taking a break

2009-11-17T17:24:00.000-08:00

I'm taking a much needed breather from boxes and packing and piles upon piles of my belongings. It's amazing how much stuff I've been able to cram into my one bedroom apartment. My to do list keeps growing - for every item that gets crossed off, one or two more new ones are added. I've never done a move of this magnitude before and to be honest, it's a little overwhelming.

I have been totally on plan for the last 3 days. I'm almost embarrassed to say that this is a record for me since my trip to Maryland almost 2 weeks ago. I need to clean out the pantry for real, so my meals have been boring, with a capital B. I made a big pot of steel cut oats in Sunday, enough to have for breakfast through Friday. Lunches have been leftover Bulgur Chili and fruit or yogurt. And for dinner, I've just been pulling random things together and calling them a meal - pork chops and butternut squash, fish and sweet potatoes, and canned or frozen veggies.

Exercise has been non existent since my group run on Saturday. Not good, Lynne. Whenever I think about going for a run or going to the gym, I talk myself out of it, using my to do list as an excuse. I am the queen of making excuses for skipping exercise. That's why I joined the Holiday Health Nuts Challenge, hoping it would motivate me. Needless to say, I am not doing too good with this challenge. And with the Half Marathon on Sunday...

That's all the updates I have for now. Time to get back to work.

Upheaval

2009-11-14T13:14:00.000-08:00

Sorry for the lack of posts lately - late Wednesday I got some amazing news that has currently made my life chaotic.

I got a job in Virginia and will be moving shortly after Thanksgiving!!!!!!

I am soooooo excited, if you couldn't already tell. I have been wanting to move back up north for the longest time, and now it's finally happening. I'm also a bit overwhelmed, having to pack up my apartment and move all of my worldly belongings. It's currently a disaster zone here.

So, needless to say, posting will be sporadic at best for the next few weeks. I still plan on running the half marathon next weekend and will definitely post about that, but posting daily is doubtful. I'll continue reading as time allows, but will definitely be back to normal once I get settled in in my new home.

So excited!

Back and Back on Track

2009-11-11T06:03:00.000-08:00

I'm back in FL, but it was extremely hard to get on the plane to come back. I loved every minute I spent in MD, the weather was great, and the scenery beautiful. I miss it already.

The flight up was great - and the first for my 2 nieces. Isabel and I sat next to each other on the flight up, which turned out great because I am a very nervous flier and she did a great job at keeping me distracted. She even commented to her mom that she kept Aunt Lynne safe.

There was a lot of family time, but we also went to the National Zoo in DC. Having grown up in MD, I've been to the zoo many, many times, but it was a new experience for my nieces and brother in law. It's changed a little since I was there last, but most everything was as I remembered.

Eating and exercising while away is always difficult for me. I did really good for the first 2 days - I ate on plan and even went for a morning run. But then, things kind of fell apart. We did brunch one day at the Amish Market, where I stupidly bought some chocolate covered peanut butter filled pretzels. It was a stupid, impulse purchase that kind of started my downward spiral for the rest of the trip. There was also some Five Guys in there, with a large consumption of french fries.

Saturday was supposed to be a 10 mile run - FAIL! I didn't exercise that day except for walking around the zoo. Even though I looked for adequate running routes or a running group that was meeting that morning, I knew in the back of my head that I probably wouldn't do the miles. I am not at the point yet where I can run for almost 2 hours by myself. I'm a little stressed about this because the half marathon is less than 2 weeks away.

It's taken me a little while to get my eating and exercising back on track. The food has been good while at work, but when I get home, it's been all about the processed, refined carbs. And I am definitely feeling the effects of my food choices. So, rather than tempt myself and try to resist, I just got rid of everything that was causing me problems.

As a result of my poor food choices last night, this morning's run was mediocre. I wanted to do an hour to make up for the lack of activity the past couple of days, but I only got in 40 minutes. Not even 10 minutes into the run, I got a stomach ache which turned into a bad side stitch that persisted even when I stopped to walk. Blah!

I made steel cut oats for breakfast this morning. While in MD, my aunt made them for breakfast one day, and I loved the texture and chewiness. I knew I would have to add these to my breakfast rotation.

The only negative is the cooking time - anywhere from 10-30 minutes, depending on the texture you want. I let them cook for about 20 minutes, but it could have gone longer.

Topped with some peanut butter and dried cranberries-

I am doing my best to get back on track today. Having this awesome breakfast is a step in the right direction.

I have the day off due to Veteran's Day, and I plan to take advantage of the time off. I have a to do list a whole page long, including trying some classes at the gym that I would never get to take. Time to get started!

Busy

2009-11-03T04:04:00.000-08:00

I'm still getting used to this time change. The sun is up when I get up, which makes me think I'm late.

I've been super busy lately in advance of my trip this weekend (!!!) and have hardly been home. There's pluses and minuses to that, but I don't like feeling as if I won't be able to get everything done in time. I'll just have to do what I can do, and that has to be enough.

Last night, I made spaghetti squash with a loaded vegetable marinara. I would love to share a picture, but they all turned out horrible. So, just picture a huge bowl of spaghetti squash topped with a marinara sauce. For the sauce, I sauteed mushrooms, onion, green pepper, tomato, and garlic, then added 1/2 c marinara sauce at the end. It was pretty good and very vegetarian. I like discovering new to me foods and that I actually like them!

I succeeded in day 1 of the Holiday Health Nuts Challenge. My goals for the month are 320 minutes of exercise every week and journaling every bite. I wrote everything down, including all of the nibbles and tastes which I usually ignore (maybe that's my problem). I also got in 90 minutes of exercise, even though all I wanted to do was go home. I did a combination strength training, the row machine, and a spin class.

I had a classic bowl of oats this morning, topped with some dried cranberries.

Gotta run. Have a great Tuesday!

Hodgepodge

2009-11-01T18:52:00.000-08:00

Thank goodness for the extra hour of sleep!

It was a little weird, though, to wake up and have the sun out. I woke up this morning thinking I should already be up and out of the house. I know a lot of people don't like it when it starts getting darker earlier, but as we all know and like it. It's part of the whole holiday season package.

Speaking of holidays, I totally crapped out on any kind of dressing up. I blame it on a combination of being busy the last week and lacking in any sort of creativity. I did have fun taking my niece trick or treating. My sister practiced with her, saying trick or treat and thank you, so she was totally prepared. I'm pretty sure she loved every minute of it.

I have joined the Holiday Health Nuts Challenge - I'm hoping to use this as one of many tools to keep me accountable and successful through the holiday season. I have documented my struggles in the past month or so, and I really need to get my butt back in gear. This challenge, coupled with the half marathon on the 22nd, should help keep me on the right path.

The October grocery challenge was a great big bust. I want to give it a try again, though I may wait until January. The next 2 months are going to be crazy, with the holidays and 2 trips planned. I do think I saved money this month, but I didn't have the kind of discipline I should have.

I think I'm noticing a general trend for the month of October - the lack of discipline. This will be fixed. Tomorrow is another day (even if it is Monday).

AWOL

2009-10-31T08:10:00.000-07:00

Happy Halloween!

I still haven't decided what I'm going to wear tonight - I really lack creativity with this. Oh well, tonight will be fun regardless.

Sorry for the mini disappearing act for the past couple of days. I've been busy with other things that have taken me away from the computer, and I haven't really photographed my food. Posting and blog reading may be sporadic for the next week or so as I get ready for and go to MD. Hopefully this trip will have the outcome that I want, but regardless, I get to have a lot of fun visiting family and enjoying the cold weather. Not to mention the dreaded 10 miles next Saturday.

These pictures are from Thursday. I'm a slacker, I know.

Peanut butter, pumpkin butter, and banana stuffed french toast.

I made a huge salad for lunch that day, trying to a version of the BBQ chicken salad from Panera. It was a little different, but good.

Romaine, red onion, cucumber, carrot, a mixture of black beans, salsa, and Kashi Pilaf, and BBQ sauce as the dressing. Oh, and some Guiltless Gourmet chips.

This was a great salad - so big that it took me a long time to eat.

I completed a 9 mile run this morning and now I pretty much hurt everywhere. Not to mention the cut on one of my toes from the nail of the toe next to it. The run itself was uneventful and most of it was through a ritzy, upscale neighborhood. As my distances increase each week, I think my main problem is going to be boredom. 2+ hours is a long time and I'm going to need to come up with a way to entertain myself.

Have a frightfully spooky Halloween!

Pictureless

2009-10-28T17:59:00.000-07:00

Hola!

Glad everyone loved the bowl - I got it at Target in the dollar section. I'm doing my best to be festive this holiday season, and stuff like pumpkin bowls and scented candles are doing the trick. In past years I've kinda let the holidays pass by with little fanfare.

I'm trying to decide of I will don a costume on Saturday. I'm not doing much, just going out with my nieces trick or treating. I do want to do something, even if it's a pair of ears and drawn on whiskers. It's going to be in the 80s still, so I don't want to wear anything heavy or hot, but I think my older niece will get a kick out of me dressing up. I'm open to any comments and suggestions.

Though my food today was frightfully boring, I'm sorry I don't have any pictures to share. Luckily, though, I ate leftovers all day, so I'll just link back to previous posts.

For lunch, I had leftover Bulgur Chili and an apple. That apple was a godsend - the chili was super spicy and the crisp apple helped to cool my mouth down.

Dinner was leftover Black Bean and Corn Soup with a black bean/Morningstar Crumble burrito. I warned you earlier this week food would be boring.

I'm going to try for another early morning workout tomorrow since I have plans tomorrow night. I should do my scheduled training run (40 minutes), but my knee started to ache a little after running last night, so I may do a spin class instead. I'll play it by ear and see how things feel in the am.

Adios for now. Have a great evening!